My Current State of Mind & Feeling

I was swarmed with work and re-building my life after the crushing heartbreak. Finally, I’m happy to share that I’m doing well in both departments 😁😁! Business opportunities are growing at a steady pace although all the big deals I’m working on currently are still work in progress, but at least I have a chance to close those deals. In fact, I have a pretty good and positive feeling that I might be able to pull off a few big deals in the next 6 months. I’m feeling euphoric that my hard work is slowly paying off. I have created a blue ocean for myself and company. Nothing beats the intense feeling of satisfaction that I get every time I looked back at how far I had come. It isn’t pay day yet, but the signs are very positive that I will hit jackpot in the next 6 months to 1 year. I just need to stay focus, motivated and continue to think creatively to develop more new clients and learn new things.

Not only I can feel the changes in me, I can see it clearly as well. Are they good changes or bad? Hmmmm……I guess it depends on each individual acceptance level. Personally, I think those changes were good for me as it were part of my growing up process. But to some people who have known me previously before the changes took place, they might not like the new me.

In the past, I always checked up on my friends and made sure they were well and fine. But now, I don’t do much of it. Mainly is because I don’t want to absorb any unnecessary negative energy. I usually shy away when I sense any negative vibes heading towards me. Last time, I absorbed a lot and even did my best to cheer my friends up by sharing my positive energy/vibes with them, which not only drained me but also made me worried about them. I realised now that I don’t want to be their sounding board anymore   as we are all adults hence we should deal with the drama in our life ourselves. I was always very giving until I my caring and giving nature were fully taken advantage of by underserving people, such as Peter Wittendorp and my crazy mum. Both of them used and took advantage of my compassionate nature repetitively and stabbed my in my heart. Seriously, they were a few parallels from both of them on how they used and treated me. Thank god I cut both of them out of my life for good. They couldn’t hurt me anymore!

I’m not sure I will be able to fully forgive them for what they did, said and treated me. I don’t break down and cry anymore as I had accepted the facts, but occasionally I felt a tinge of sadness when I recounted the stories to friends. Once a blue moon thing though. Recently I was shown a pic of my crazy mum and I didn’t even want to look at her face. And I’m definitely not interested to know about her current life!! I don’t want dramas and disturbance to be heaped on me again!

I had also looked at the pictures of  Peter Wittendorp just recently and what I saw was a stranger. The face that I used to love, the laughter that made me giddy and happy, the man that I thought was a good man and Mr Right for me was dead on April 18, 2016 when he did the unspeakable to me! I didn’t know then, but it was the night that he robbed my happiness, compassion and ability to trust people from me. It took me 1 year to recover, but I will never be able to trust people like I used to anymore. I used to take people words as trustworthy, but not anymore. Words need to be backed up by consistent  actions before I will accord my trust to them.

So now the man in the picture is a pathological liar, a hypocrite, a fakey and an asshole. I feel like a fool for falling for Peter Wittendorp, sucking in all his words and putting up with his shitty treatments and the emotional turmoil he put me through! Seriously, it was really ironic for a pathological liar (2 years) like him to throw accusation at me! What a fucking joke! To be honest, I don’t think I will ever be able to stop cursing him for what he did to me. I don’t know why, but every time when I wrote his name I feel the urge to cuss him and I will become 😤😤! I think I better stop or else I will make myself upset over an asshole!!

Anyway, overall I’m in a good place emotionally, mentally and physically. The upset feeling I had passed by quickly so it doesn’t affect me. Now my full attention are given to my business and getting my financial back in order so that my lifestyle will not be greatly affected by a temporary setback. That sums up my current state of mind and feeling.

Till the next post peeps!

 

 

 

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Being accused by Peter Wittendorp via SMSes

I rest my case how he heartlessly hurts me with his ridiculous accusation. Anyway, is the past now. I don’t feel sad or hurt reading back these old SMSes so I guess I have fully recovered. Also I no longer feel the need to protect his image especially when his chapter in my life is closed permanently. SMSes don’t lie. That’s his number. Not sure if he stills use it or not, but definitely the number that belongs to him.

SMSes during the loving times with Peter Wittendorp (random sequence)

Some SMSes from 2 years ago when we were still great and loved each other. 31st March 2015 was our meet up in HK. We flew in separately, he from SG and me from KL and we met up in the airport as our arrival time was about 20mins apart from each other.

We stayed in Pottinger Hotel in Central. I’m not going to write a long post (maybe I will separately in another post). Instead I will let the SMSes tell our story, from the good and loving times to the fallout and accusation. If I didn’t listen to him and delete most of the SMSes, Whatsapp and emails, there would be more to post. If not there would be thousands of it.

Finally I feel great for being able to come out and share the truth and back up what I had wrote about him in the pasts. This is how I closed the chapter of him in my life. I know is not how people would close the chapter, but everyone is different.