November is a slow month. No meetings schedule till next week. Been sitting at home waiting for decisions from Developers. Really bored. So today decided to have a late lunch at LeBar Sofitel KL as I want to get out of the house. Been holed up in the house for the entire week except went out for groceries shopping. Ordered food delivery hence didn’t need to go out for food too. Hahaha.
I literally sat at home and played game to prevent my brain from thinking too much. I’m also trying not to do to many soul searching thinking as I did a lot of that in the past 1.5 years and I’m sure I know myself much more deeply now. I don’t want to plan too far ahead as I don’t know what is around the corner waiting for me. There are things I want to achieve in life and I’m working very hard to achieve my goals. Basically, I need to rebuild my financial nest. Once my financial is back to a stable and healthy level I will be able to embark on my colourful life journey again. I have to temporary slow it down because I have a fair bit of financial obligations that I need to fulfill and without a steady flow or a large chunk of income stream going into my bank account, I can’t freely embark on my colourful life journey. Is kinda frustrating sometimes as I can’t go out and do what I want to, but I have to be patient because I put myself in this predicament by investing too much properties when the market was booming and now I’m stuck with properties that I can’t sell yet and took too long to rent it out. So it burnt a hole in my bank account. Plus a huge chunk of my cash is stuck in stock market as I can’t sell the shares I bought at the peak because the prices are super low now. So have to wait for it to climb back to a healthy level before I cash out. And I hadn’t worked for almost 3 years and living on my savings so depleting my bank account further. And although I started working again last year, the salary I received was way too pathetic that it wasn’t even enough to cover my condo monthly instalment. I did closed a few deals, but only enough to help em to cover my living expenses. At least it helps to pay bills, but definitely not enough to allow me to indulge in the type of colourful life journey that I was used to. Temporary setback until I get my financial back on track.
So now what I have to do is work hard and work smart to build up my financial again. I have a strong feeling that 2018 will be a great year for me. Once my financial is back to a healthy level, I will relook into going back to university for my MBA in psychology. It has always been my wish to go back to graduate school for this subject. Human behaviour is an interesting subject for me to analyse and explore. I wished I took up psychology during my undergraduate rather than business management and marketing. Anyway, it isn’t too late for me to pursue this subject. At least now, I study for fun and not to get a job so the pressure is off to deliver good grades. Haha. Anyway, I was an alright student seeing that I rarely study except 1 week before the exam. My overall GPA was 3.5 so ain’t too bad. I would say I’m a street smart person more than book smart although I like to read a lot. Just not educational materials. Haha.
I’m a rebellious kid since I was young being the eldest not only in my family, but in the entire clan too. So I got pampered a lot even though I grew up in a broken family. My grandma (dad’s side) not only loved me a lot, but she pampered and spoiled me to the maximum. Although I had a few years of very sad and dark childhood, I still grew up alright because of my grandma. I loved her loads, but when I was younger I didn’t show her my love enough and definitely didn’t know how to appreciate her until much later in life which was already too late as she passed away almost 15 years. She didn’t get to see my success today. If she is still around today I’m sure she will be very proud of me. I miss her. I miss my grandma. Without her unwavering love and support I wouldn’t be who I’m today. I owe part of what I own today to my grandma. She didn’t only give me love, attention, but she also supported my financially when my dad was poor and couldn’t support me. And I don’t remember thanking my grandma properly. I think there were many moments that I found her annoying and irritating. I was very impatient with her as she got older and slower in her movements. I also didn’t spend enough time with her when she was alive. Now that I’m writing about my grandma, I’m feeling sad as I didn’t spend enough time with her before she passed away. And I didn’t say a proper thank you and goodbye to her. I think I will do it now.
“Ma Ma, thank you for your love, care and support for me when I was growing up. You were my anchors. Without you, I might not have achieved so much in life and be who I’m today. You will always be in my heart. And I’m sorry for not being a better granddaughter. I miss you a lot 😘😘. I hope you are happy where you are now. I’m sure you are in heaven. I love you always”
I’m feeling emotional now. And I’m sobbing while writing the above. I’m still sitting in LeBar in Sofitel and trying to hold back my tears. Haha.
I grew up in a broken family and had experienced 1st hand being neglected by my parents. My mum was because she had me when she was too young and just never grew up. My dad was because he had to work to support the family so always not around as he was a traveling salesman then. My dad still travels a lot now, but it doesn’t bothers me anymore as I’m a grown woman now. I never experienced growing up in a loving and intact family so it created a problem for me when I was growing up because I became insecure. I seek attention and associated to getting attention as getting love. Even until I was in my mid-30s’, I was still insecure and always wanting attention. I only managed to find inner peace and accepted myself 100% about 5 years ago. I’m still work in progress, but I’m in a better place now than I was 5 years ago and definitely better than I was last year after the bad experienced with Peter Wittendorp. That changed me even though I didn’t want to admit, but it did changed me. I’m not sure if my changes are good for me in the long-term yet as I’m still improving on myself. But for now, I like who I’m becoming into after the shitty experienced. I didn’t deserve what Peter Wittendorp did to me before, during and after.
Anyway, I will let bygone be bygone.
Oh well, I better stop here as I want to head home now……Happy Sunday everyone!!