Rhodes, Greece (11th August)

2nd day in Rhodes. Woke up and went down to have breakfast. It was delicious and yummy. After that, went out to buy local candies as gifts. After that, went to  walk around  the wall. Below are some of the photos. I was super lazy to be honest. Haha. So after a few km of walking, I headed back to the hotel for a rest before heading out for lunch.

The weather was super humid and scorching. Made me felt tired easily. All I wanted to do was go back to the hotel and relax in the cooling and peaceful courtyard and enjoy few glasses of white wine. And that was exactly what I did.

I enjoyed doing nothing. I just wanted to spend time alone and enjoying the slow pace of life, free from stresses and worrying. I wanted to use this trip to rediscover and heal myself. Anyway, I still needed to do some touristy sightseeing. Haha.

I know I’m supposed to write more about the wall history and etc, but I really don’t remember much. I’m not a history buff hence it doesn’t interests me to remember the details. I know I know, I’m a terrible tourist. I never say I’m a good tourist. Haha. My traveling style is not everyone glass of wine. I prefer to remember the feelings and emotions each place evoked in me than the historical facts each place is known for.

After the lunch, I went back the hotel, took a shower and went down to the courtyard and sat there till night. Didn’t go out for dinner as wasn’t hungry and too lazy to. Ate some fruits and drank a lot of white wine too!! Hahaha

So this was how I spent my 2nd day in Rhodes.

 

 

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Blogging is therapeutic for me

People blog for various reasons. I treat blogging as journaling. I know it is crazy to share my life so openly as I’m putting myself out there to be judged, ridiculed and maybe even crucified but I still want to do it because this is what I want to do. I’m doing it for me and no one else so other people judgments and views don’t matter to me. Blogging allows me to express and write down my thoughts and feelings anytime I want. It also allows me to record down events that are important to me so that I can read back in the future when my memory has failed me. I blog because it is also therapeutic for me. I can’t always turn to my friends when I’m unhappy and want to vent as they have a life to live too. So blogging is definitely a good platform for me to release my emotions and not hold back because if I hold back I will drive myself up the wall.

Blogging had helped me to heal from my bad experienced and broken heart. I didn’t share my life stories with strangers to get attention to myself. I’m sharing my life stories because it helps me to see a different angle of my life. Beside, I also hope that some of the things I had experienced in life are also relatable to people who read my posts. It can be really lonely when we are in a dark mood and we don’t feel like talking to people. When I was in those moody and dark period, I always searched the web for stories of people who went through the same experienced and read how they overcame it. It gave me strengths and inspirations. With that in mind, I’m willing to journal down my life experiences. I didn’t want to write only happy moments because life is made up of a concoction of different moods and moments. I want to share my ups and downs, my happiness and sadness and all the beautiful and ugliness of my life.

My life isn’t perfect, but it is still a life I’m proud to live. I’m not ashamed of my life because I choose the way I want to live, not the way how society dictates how I should live!! I will never be a fake person!! I will never stop blogging.

 

Indoor rock climbing

I’m going to take private lessons starting October to learn indoor rock climbing. I want to build up my legs and arms strength and in the process tone my body too. But before I can  take private lessons I have to take a 4 hours basic wall class. I was supposed to do the 4 hours class 2 weeks ago, but my left elbow and arm were in severe pain hence I had to cancel it. So now trying to sign up again for a class sometime next week.

I’m actually looking forward to it as I really want to be more healthy and physically strong too. And during the 1 hour lesson I will not think of anything except climbing to the top and come back down. So where I’m going to climb? Camp5 inside Bandar Utama shopping center.

It is time for me to take up new hobbies and learn new things that challenges me physically and mentally. Will share more about the experience after I have started the lesson. That’s all for now.

My Brother’s Birthday Party

Last night my brother had his belated birthday party @ Arena Bar, TTDI. It was a good and fund night because an unexpected guest showed up – a HK TVB actor, Hung Tin Ming. I was planning to stay for 2 hours only, but ended up staying till about 2.30am. I played a few rounds of beer pong with Tin Ming. He looks much better in person than on TV 😀. And he is really friendly and nice. We sat in the VIP room so it was kinda private. But he wasn’t afraid to socialise or be seen as he went out to play slap cups with my brother and friends.

I challenged him to play beer pong and he agreed. I won the 1st round and he challenged me to a 2nd round. Haha. 2nd round he won. So it was even. After that we played double and it was an even games. We won and we lost too. Instead of beer pong we played with champagne so even more potent.

My brother opened 50 bottles of champagne and we finished it all. Crazy. Haha. Luckily I work for myself or else I won’t be able to wake up today to get to work. OH well, I definitely had a fun time. Photos as proof. 😁

Mood swing today

Mood swing started wee morning today. Unable to sleep well as a fair bit of negatives thought were swimming inside my brain and I felt down. In fact I shed a few tears too but it didn’t last long. I couldn’t sleep so I did some spring cleaning on my friends list. I deleted people who no longer I keep in touch, removed myself from inactive group chats and deleted old chat messages between myself and friends who has shown me their selfish side especially Naomi and Nora. I’m totally and utterly disappointed with them. I almost wanted to delete them from my phone book, but I held back. I deleted my chat history with Nora and removed myself from the group chat with Naomi & Gloria. I promised myself I will never allow myself to be taken advantage again.

I seriously feel like distancing myself from them and people who are fake. Lately, I’m becoming a loner. I haven’t left my house for a few days already and I’m actually feeling fine with it. Or maybe I have started to build a wall within my heart to protect myself from being hurt again. I used to be generous and big hearted with people especially with my friends, but what I got back in return is their selfishness. I have been asking myself lately should I terminate my friendship with them as I don’t feel connected to them anymore. Somethings in me have changed since the bad experienced 2 years ago. I don’t look at friendship and relationship in the same ways anymore. I don’t want to be the one always giving and being taken for granted anymore.

Being big hearted, generous and giving only brought me heartaches, disappointment and  negativity. I need to stop doing that to protect myself. To be honest, I lose faith in humanity. Day in and day out I witnessed with my own eyes and experienced first hand the ugliness, selfishness and fakeness of my friends and brother. The more I see and hear  personally, the less I want to know and associated to them. I’m slowly becoming a loner and to be honest, it is kinda peaceful.

I’m beginning to question the important of friendship if I have friends who are selfish and only reach out when they need something from me. What value do they have to add to my life?? The more I try to search for the good things about them, the more I realised they had not done anything for me. I wasn’t a calculative person until now. I don’t keep scores of what I did for my friends and family until now. And it was because of my bad experienced with him. I’m changed because of what he did to me.

Honestly, I will never wish him well. I wished he will be cheated 1 day. Karma will catch up with him. I prayed for that day to happen to him fast. Yes, that were all the ugly thoughts that went thru my mind when I had a terrible mood swing. He robbed too much from me and I wanted him to pay one way or the other. Luckily, it was just thoughts and it passed by quickly.

Anyway, I never allow myself to go on a down spiral into darkness. I managed to control my thoughts and injects positive thinking and energy into my brain so that I can bounce back fast. If I can’t stop thinking negative thoughts, what I will do is distract myself by playing games on my iPad until the negative thoughts passed. Most of the time it works because I stop myself from thinking and focus on just playing games and nothing else.

Oh well, I feel better already. Is time to go to bed so that I can have a good sleep and feels good tomorrow.

Indifferent attitude

Being and feeling indifferent is actually not such a bad thing especially when I don’t get drawn in to drama and negativity caused by other people. Being indifferent allows me a peace of mind and I don’t get upset and unhappy over someone shitty behaviour, actions or words. Being indifferent allows me to stay calm and focus on myself rather than on people. Being indifferent doesn’t means I don’t care. It means I’m selective of the people I want to care for and the extend I want to care about them. It isn’t a blanket and blind caring, but rather selective caring. Being indifferent also means that I won’t be sway easily by emotional, but rather I will be persuaded by facts.

Being indifferent is another way to allow people to be who they are and live the life they want without judging them. Being indifferent towards people is actually a very liberated feeling. It allows me to see things more clearly and gives my time and energy to people who truly deserve it.

Indifferent also means I don’t spend time dwelling and trying to dissect the meaning behind every words or actions. I will take it as it is spoken and interpret it as it is rather than wasting time thinking if there is any underlying meaning. Honestly, it actually makes my life lighter and simpler. I don’t get upset and disappointed easily anymore.

For instance, this afternoon I wished my brother an earlier birthday wish (his birthday tomorrow) and told him his gift is delayed as it is on the way back from US and he didn’t even reply my message. In the past I would be slightly unhappy as I would consider his silent as lack of courtesy, but now I couldn’t be bothered. To me, I had done my part and wished him. Is his choice to reply or not to reply. When I begin to accept people for who they are, I cease to take it personally how they behave or what their actions are. Another person’s actions/words/behaviour is reflection of them and not me so why take it too personally.

I actually enjoy being indifferent because not giving a shit is a great feeling.

 

Peter Wittendorp chapter officially closed

I finally figured out why it took me so long to forgive myself and got over him (Peter Wittendorp). It was because I was clinging on a minuscule hope that one day we will have a chance to sit down and talk openly what had happened between us. I was too stubborn to let go because I wasn’t ready to let go. I was hoping for something that will never happen, but I didn’t want to accept the fact even though deep down in my heart I knew I was hoping for the impossible 😉. I was just plained stubborn period. Haha.

And the moment I decided not to pursue the truth of why he lied to me, I also learned to forgive myself for believing in him beyond a reasonable doubt. The moment I stopped feeling stupid about my blind trust in him, I accepted the fact that we will never cross path again!

I didn’t want to forget him, but at the same time I wasn’t able to forgive him for what he did to me and how he treated me hence it caused a lot of internal frictions for myself. I only managed to clear my head when I was in Rhodes. I accepted the fact that he will never think of me anymore and he will never be in my life again. Yes even after how he treated me and did to me, I was still hoping (minuscule) that he was still in my life. I know, I know…..I shouldn’t had such hope, but I did. But not anymore for 1 month. So is a good sign.

I was also in conflict earlier because I felt there was a need to make him believe that I’m innocent. In fact, I wanted desperately to convince him I’m innocent. But now I realised that it is pointless to do so because what he thinks/believes is irrelevant to me. What is important is I know I’m innocent. Trying to convince someone who is adamant that I’m the culprit is actually a waste of time. I rather spend my time and energy on something else that can enrich my life and enhance my experience.

Anyway, bottomline is I’m in a good place now. Occasionally his name stills popped into my mind and I’ll also wonder about him, but it passed by quickly. So everything is good. Life is not as great as I want it to be as I have a lot of financial burden, but I will make it better soon. I just need to work hard and never give up 😀!

Happy Weekend!