Blank out increasing

Lately, I noticed I’m experiencing more blank out moments during conversation. Sometime I forgot a word I wanted to say to describe a situation or I forgot the thing I wanted to say just a moment ago. For example, on Friday morning I wanted to say “flood the market”, but I couldn’t remember the word “flood”. I said “flux” for 2-3x although I knew it was a wrong word. But the correct word “flood” didn’t register in my mind at all so I dropped it until my colleague mentioned the word. Another recent incident was during my meeting with a Tan Sri. I wanted to explain further why it is hard to recruit, but instead I repeated the same statement I said just a few seconds ago. At that moment I just blanked out and I was trying to search my mind to recall what was the thing I wanted to say, but I forgot. It was annoying and slightly worrisome too as I had never experienced blank out before.

The only good thing is I don’t blank out when it is about work. I can remember all the important details that were discussed, things I have to do, follow-up and etc. So thank god it isn’t affecting my work, but it isn’t a good sign that I’m experiencing frequent blanked out. I’m slightly worry to be honest. I will monitor my situation and if the frequency increases further I will go to see a doctor to do a check-up. Maybe it is just because I have too many things going through my mind at the same time hence the blanked out episodes.

I pray that my blank out moments are just temporary and it will not get worse. My next 3 years are critical period for me as it will be the golden period for me to build a stable and secure financial nest that will lasts me to my old age. So for the next 3 years I’m going to bust my ass and work hard to make money!



17.3.18 – First Pilate Reformer

Yesterday morning I attended my 1st pilate reformer lesson with a certified coach. I had planned to sign up for pilate reformer lessons since last year, but put it off until last week where I finally made it a point to sign up for the lessons. I really want and need to get my health and body back in good condition. Lately, I have been experiencing constant back pain and it has disrupted my sleep as I wasn’t able to get quality sleep.

The coach told me that I tend to lean toward my right side and my entire body is very tight. I didn’t tell her anything except I have lower back pain. She was able to detect my problems by looking at my postures. it is a 55 minutes session and to be honest it ain’t cheap. For a certified instructor, it cost RM200/session. They do offer packages, a bit of saving, but still pricey. They offer a starter pack of RM550 for 3 sessions + 1 free group session so I signed up for this one to try first to see if I like it.

It wasn’t hardcore on the 1st session, but I could feel the benefits immediately. For instance, after the session I didn’t feel the pinching and pain on my lower back. I felt a lightness. Although I felt the pinching and pain now on my lower back, it is mild compared to before the session. And partly also because I was sitting the whole day yesterday and compressed my lower back. She said pilate will help to create space between the muscles. So in yesterday class we did a lot of lengthening. And my right leg is weak as it was shaking when I straightened my legs..

I slept well last night. I have decided I will sign up for another private 10 sessions after my starter pack is finished. It will costs me RM1850. I might switch over to group pilate when I’m ready to do so. The group class is RM800 for 10 sessions. I just checked the class hour and I’m ok with night class. But I won’t sign up for group class immediately because I want the instructor unwavering attention to help me to get my body into a healthy physique.

Nowadays, I’m adamant to get my body, mind and soul into a positive and healthy state. Yes, I still want to look good and have nice body shape, but the priority for me is to be healthy. I want to try more new things in life and go on more adventures so a healthy body, mind and soul are a necessity, a MUST!

So for those thinking about trying pilate reformer I highly recommend you to give it a try. Enjoy πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

p.s. My muscles still sore from Wednesday indoor rock climbing and yesterday pilate reformer session. Walking like a crab now. Hahaha


In time of adversity and challenges, I feel like giving up. Calling it quit seems like the best option for me as I’m getting tired of solving issue after issue. Is never ending and it is really tiring. But I can’t give up because giving up means admitting defeat. A temporary setback isn’t the end of the world. To build a new blue ocean market is never a smooth journey. No doubt it is filled with challenges and obstacles, but to be successful I need to persevere.

I met some nice professional people along my journey and some unprofessional people who were just out to waste my time and strung me along, but it was part of the journey. I’m feeling disappointed, frustrated and upset that after spending so much time it is back to square 1.

I have to keep motivating myself and staying positive that these setbacks and challenges are temporary. I had managed to overcome a lot to get to where I’m today. Just like indoor rock climbing.

My coach she doesn’t allows me to give up when I couldn’t complete a climb. She allowed me to rest, but she would kept pushing me to try until I was exhausted. She told me, I can’t tell my mind I’m tired and I can’t do it. I have to tell my mind I CAN DO IT  😊! Temporary setback isn’t a permanent failure. Failure is when I give up!


Back to practice

Yesterday was my 1st day back to practice after a 6 weeks break as my coach went back to Colombia to visit her mum and siblings. And it wasn’t fun to practice alone using the auto-relay. Beside I fell sick too right after she left – severe cough and flu. I have just recovered miraculously without seeing doctor.

Anyway, on my 1st climbed using the auto-relay, I managed to complete it. But when I wanted to come down, I suddenly forgot how and panicked. Well, I did came down safely but it was not graceful. Haha. And because it was my first climbed plus I held on a bit longer hence my fingers experienced a short period of numbness. But after 10mins it were back to normal.

I continued on my 2nd climb and I was 4 steps away from completing it. I was struggling a bit and tried a few times, but still failed to complete. My coach didn’t push me too hard yesterday as she knew it was my 1st practiced after 6 weeks of absent. For my last climbed of the night, I chose an easy route and completed it. But was a bit clumsy. Can be a bit more graceful. Haha

My coach said I did well overall. My endurance has improved although my techniques are still a long way from perfect. Haha. I have set a goal for myself – to complete 5 climbs in next week 2 hours session class. Wish me luck ok 😁😁😁!


Last day in Bali

This trip to Bali was a slow paced holiday. I only left the resort 2x and regretted doing so. Bali is getting very congested and traffic is horrendous. And the Chinese and Indian tourists are getting larger in number until I feel like I’m going to China.not something I enjoy at all so I might have to find a new beach resort for me to escape too. Beside I really hate the traffic jam! I managed to get some tan, but isn’t very tan because the sun was scorching hot. My body couldn’t take the intense heat. Not only that, freckles started to appear in my body too. And it took me longer to get a nice chocolate tan this time. Not sure why? Maybe because too long didn’t tan and the tanning oil I used was 8 instead of my usual 4. Because of all those reasons I didn’t get a chocolaty tan and I’m cool with it.

It was a good retreat for me especially when this afternoon I sent out 2 emails that had been weighing on my mind for the longest time. One was to Naomi to try to mend our broken friendship. I don’t know if she has read the email because I sent it to her yahoo account and not sure if she still check this email account. This is the only email account of hers I have so no choice. It was quite a long email so couldn’t whatsapp. I was debating if I should text her to ask her to check her email account, but then I decided to leave it to fate to see if she reads it. If we are still meant to be friend, we will. So I really don’t want to go out of my way to inform her.

The 2nd email was to ‘HIM’. Yes, finally I sent out the closure email. It was more for me than him. The email wasn’t to reconnect. It was purely a symbolic moved on my part to give myself the closure I very much needed to move on. I said a few things I needed to say and that were it.

I got rid of all the negativity that were troubling me and when I get home to KL tomorrow it will be a brand new start and this time is for real. So overall this is a good trip.

Bali 2nd day (23/2/18)

Arrived yesterday afternoon in my fav place – Bali! Staying in W Bali this time. Before I came I had checked the weather and it predicted to rain and even thunderstorm. But so far I have been lucky. Sunny and windy, the way I love it. I’m trying to get a nice even chocolate tan, but the sun is just too hot. Managed to suntan for an hour and sweated a bucket or more. Haha. Now just finished my lunch. Wanted to go out, but too lazy. Last night I didn’t go out too. Just chilling in my room. I got a deluxe ocean view hence I can hear the sound of sea crashing to the shore and it was great. But nothing beat enjoying my lunch with an ocean view.

I tried to avoid answering messages unless it is necessary. I’m trying to relax and shutdown for a few days. This trip, I see a lot of Indians and Chinese and honestly, Chinese tourists are terrible and nightmarish. Take yesterday for example, I went to the ladies washroom and I saw a Chinese woman standing by the sink. I didn’t know what she was doing until I came out from the washroom and wanted to wash my hands, I saw her putting up 1 of her leg on the sink and washing it. It was a disgusting sight. And she couldn’t be bother if other people needed to wash their hands. To make it worst, the whole floor was super wet! I told her I needed to wash my hand so she removed her leg and after I washed, she put it back up again. She was also wearing sock and it was entirely wet. When I left the toilet I saw a hotel staff and told him what happened. He was shocked and went in to the toilet to tell the Chinese woman to stop. I don’t know what happened after that as I didn’t stay to find out. I’m trying my best not to be prejudice, but unfortunately I had witnessed too many nightmarish acts by Chinese tourists until I have no choice but to be prejudice with them. Money can’t buy class – So True!!

I plan to go shopping maybe today or tomorrow. And also to get a massage. I’m so lazy to get out of the hotel to be honest! Haha. But I will. There is a shop I want to go look for clothes – summer dresses! Anyway, now I want to go back to laze by the pool lounge chair and enjoy the cooling and windy sea breeze.

Till then!

Bali 22-26 Feb 2018

Yippee….finally I get to take the long overdue break to Bali. It was supposed to be in Dec 2017, but because of the volcanic eruption I had to cancel my holiday and changed it to February 2018. Can’t wait to get myself a nice chocolaty tan. I haven’t got a nice tan for awhile and this trip I’m going to make sure I get a nice chocolaty tan although the process of getting a nice and evenly tan can be tiresome and a lot of work. And the post tanning is another headache especially when the skin starts to peel due to excessive dryness. It will takes me at least 3-4 weeks to fully get rid of the peeling. Tanning is a tedious process. Hence I don’t do it often because I’m lazy most of the time. But this time I want to get a nice chocolaty tan as I will look more sporty and healthy too compare to my current fair skin.

I love Bali and usually I prefer to stay in W Bali. I plan to soak in as much sun as my body can take it, enjoy the sea, wind, blue sky, white fluffy clouds, cocktails and my books as much as possible. I also intend to get myself a few massages and a nice body scrub too. I plan to shutdown so I hope my clients won’t text me during this period as I really don’t want to reply messages that are work related. I want to focus on recharging myself and introspect my life as I need to chart my life direction. I have to stay focus and make sure that I can semi-retired by 2021 and go back to school for my MBA. Hence I need to earn substantial amount of money in the next 3 years and I don’t have time to waste.

I seriously want to move away from Malaysia and start anew again chasing different Β goals. I want to take a chance in relationship again and fall in love and I know for a fact if I don’t get out of Malaysia I won’t be able to meet my Mr Right.

I really need to clear my head and recharge myself again hence this break will be good for me. I’m not running away from anything or anyone, just taking a break to rejuvenate, recharge and rethink how to achieve my goals and dreams.

Oh ya, I booked myself a business class ticket although it is only a 3 hours flight. It was around RM1.2k for return so fairly cheap. Hehe. I will always pamper myself if I can afford it. Oh well, another 3 more sleeps to go and I will be in Bali. Yay!!

I will share if I have any interesting stories to tell during my stay in Bali. Till then….