Bangkok Break (24-26 Nov 2017)

Last night in Bangkok. Arrived yesterday (24 Nov 2017) and leaving tomorrow (26 Nov 2017). Staying at Siam Kempinski. This trip is a short break and shopping trip with Gin, my gf. Is darn tiring as we spent long hours shopping and walking.

Now we are waiting for Uber to go to Rod Fai night market! Been waiting for 30mins already although it said he is only 5 mins away. When I ordered the Uber ride it was 6.08pm and 9mins away. Now 6.36pm and 4mins away!! Bangkok traffic is horrendous. A supposing 9mins distance. Crazy!! Finally inside the car and otw to Rod Fai night market.

I bought a lot of tops. Not expensive but nice designs. For daily wear. I’m not brand conscious when it comes to clothes. It sure feels good to wear a designer brand but it doesn’t adds to my self worth. Beside I don’t like to spend my clothes for dry cleaning as it is too troublesome. Hence I usually buy non-branded clothes to wear. I’m a simple person who isn’t brand conscious. And nowadays I will be only dress up when there is an event. Otherwise I prefer comfortable clothes.

This 2nd part is written in a plane as I’m flying back to KL now. The short break and shopping had come to an end so is time to go back to work. Next week should be an interesting week with 3 meetings schedule.

This trip was tiring on my feet as I walked a lot! Every night I needed to soak my feet in hot water to soothe the tiredness. And I ate a fair bit so need to start dieting when I’m back in KL. I have a tummy now ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ! Need to get back my flat stomach. We went back to the same local Thai restaurant for lunch 2 days in a row – Taling Pling (restaurant name). The food were yummy and reasonably price.

My verdict of this trip ….hmm, Siam Kempinski is an overrated hotel that isn’t worth the rate they are charging. It is an old and tired hotel that can use a refurbishment. The location is excellent, but not enough to make me want to return to stay again. The customer service was not on par with 5 stars luxury at all. I had problem with the TV in my room for the 2 nights I stayed there. Even after fixing, there were still issues. Pretty annoying to be honest. But I didn’t let it spoilt my holiday. Just don’t think is worth the price I paid for it and definitely wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. And housekeeping standard sucks….on my 1st night I could see the floor was dusty. I expected it to be in tip top condition but it wasn’t. So not happy with that. At best I will rate Siam Kempinski 4 stars. That’s my verdict for the hotel. From the limited photos I took, you can draw the conclusion that the hotel is just normal and nothing to shout about. If it is a great hotel I would had taken a lot more photos. Haha.

As for the trip itself…….not bad overall as I had eaten some delicious local Thai food, bought some inexpensive tops and accessories. But it would be much better if Gin was less budget conscious. Having said that I have to give her a big thumb up for agreeing to stay at Siam Kempinski as it was more expensive than her usual budget. But then she did complaining non-stop too that it was expensive and next time must stay in cheaper hotel. The fact was I asked her if she was ok with the hotel and budget and she said yes. Then she repeated a few times that the hotel too expensive. Sigh. I gave her the chance to say no and even suggest other hotels, but she said go ahead. So I did. Anyway, it wasn’t too unbearable so it didn’t affect me at all. And she can eat a lot so was kinda nice as we ordered many dishes to try. Haha.

Shopping in Bangkok was really fun as I managed to find good quality bargains and there were sale everywhere. So plenty of choices to choose from. I will post some photos of my loots as well ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜€.

We talked, but not deep talked as when we were in Bali. This trip she talked about her kids more and I was fine with it. What I didn’t find fine was when she commented that she will just bear with her life even though she feels trap in it! This is something I can’t accept. I’m not asking her to have an exciting life, but at least not waste it away by just accepting the current situation. Fix it! She knows there are issues in her marriage, but she doesn’t wants to talk to her husband about it. And her hubby also doesn’t initiate the talk so both of them ignore the issues and continue living a life that isn’t a fulfilling marital life. Sexless for over 9 years!!! Crazy and unbelievable. Her husband is really weird. I seriously couldn’t understand how they could live a life like that??

Oh well, is her choice so I’m not going to say too much but respect her choice even though I feel that she isn’t living her life to the fullest. Everyone of us have our own destiny and path to follow so it isn’t my place to tell her how to live her life.

So my final verdict on this trip……a good trip although tiring.

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Tinder experienced

I have been on Tinder for a couple of years now. I was told about this app by a good friend of mine. He was the one who downloaded this app and told me to check it out and I did our of curiosity. Yes, purely our of curiosity as I only use it when I’m super bored and even then I still don’t spend huge amount of time on this app. In fact, I stopped for a long period of time and even removed it from my phone. I added it back after my incident with him. Anyway, long story short, I still use this app occasionally, but not seriously.

Mixed experienced. Some good, some lousy and some downright shitty. Let me share my latest experienced, which happened yesterday with a recent match. He was a Lebanese plastic surgeon who is looking to set up his practice in KL. He already has existing practices in US, Dubai & Lebanon so KL is his next destination. Started off with usual questions and he asked if I use WhatsApp and I said I do. He asked if we could chat via WhatsApp and I said ok and gave him my number. So he sent me a message to say hi and we left it as it is. He lives in Florida so the time difference is night and day. Hence this morning I received a message from him asking me why he couldn’t see my profile picture? Guess what was my answer? I don’t think anyone will be able to guess correctly. Haha.

Well, I told him my profile pic can only be viewed by people who I have added into my contact lists and I don’t add people easily unless I have communicated with the person for a period of time and I want the person to be a part of my life. The new tinder match when ballistic when he read what I told him. His first replied was “You are a goat”. I replied “huh”. Then his next message was “Don’t contact me again”. The minute I saw that, I just blocked and reported him as spam on WhatsApp. Then I went to Tinder to un-match him!! I don’t plan to waste my time and energy on such type of man. Instead of asking me to find out why I have such a habit/practice and try to win my trust, he reacted as if like I owed it to him to add him into my contact lists. As if like he deserved my time and attention without working on it. Hmmm……nutcase.

And another one, today as well, been bugging me daily with hello and asked if I was busy? Daily same question!!! Can you believe it?? I feel pressured to reply so I told him maybe not to spend too much time chatting with me as I’m very focus on my career now and won’t have much time to chat or in the mood to chat all the time. Yes, I literally told him to butt off and he did. He unmatched me, which was what I expected.

Nowadays there aren’t many quality men left. They might have a good job and make good money, but their attitude sucks. Tinder is actually a good platform to do a study on men. There are many cheaters out there, which isn’t a surprise. There are also plenty of jerks out there who are looking for easy sex. There are some pleasant surprised such as men who work in MNC and hold high position who are single and looking for a Ms Right. But we didn’t click as the connection weren’t there. A few became friends and it lasted fairly long until I became tired of maintaining the friendship as they don’t live in KL. Chatting via WhatsApp can be really taxing and tiring unless it is with someone I really really like. Nowadays, I don’t like wasting too much of my time and put in energy and effort into things that don’t add value to my life. And I have no issue cutting people off if I don’t feel good around them including clients. Beside, those men on tinder are just faces that I have no way to verify. The handful of times I went out to meet them turned out to be 50-50 in experienced (meaning good and lousy).

I use Tinder when I’m super bored. Otherwise I couldn’t be bothered to waste my time. I read some successful stories of people meeting the right partner on Tinder, well, I would say those are the lucky fews. And I’m definitely not one of it at all. Haha. Which is ok? Is hard for me to trust a man and fall in love after the last experienced. I rather stay single and have fuck buddy then be in a permanent relationship. I already have feared of marriage and the last experienced with him just double up my fear and make me stop believing in marriage. Is a hoax. A charade put on by 2 people for the world to see and approve. Anyway, marriage isn’t in my agenda at all.

So not having a man in my life isn’t a big deal. Tinder is a good platform to meet a lot of different men and study them without having to worry about being taken advantage off. Haha. Anyway, for those who have found love on Tinder, congrats. For those who hasn’t, keep trying. And for those who hasn’t try, check it out for fun. Online dating isn’t frown upon anymore. Is a norm in today’s society. Good luck everyone. And do share if you have interesting tales about your experienced on Tinder. ย Cheers.

 

I missed HIM

Sometimes I really don’t understand myself especially when it has to do with HIM. I still think and miss him occasionally even though when I looked at his pictures I saw a stranger looking back at me. I mean, I don’t know the real him at all. I thought I know him, but apparently I didn’t. I thought I understood him, but I didn’t. I read back some of the old messages and emails that I still have with me and I’m still trouble by the fact that I will never know the truth about why he did what he did to me. I’m not trying to dig out the past. I just wish I had asked him bluntly for the truth and not brushed it aside pretended that I was ok with the past and the need to know didn’t exist! I really wish I had an open conversation with him and ended things between us cordially and amicably. I shouldn’t had acted so rashly. I wish I knew how to let go gracefully and peacefully rather than tried to hold on tightly and did all the stupid things to get his attention.

I missed him. There were times I was praying and hoping we are still talking so that I can reach out to him. Haha. Silly me right? Why would I want to reach out to a man who broke my heart and accused me of things I didn’t do (yes, his accusation still bothers me). If you ask me what I want now, I just want to meet him 1 last time and talk openly. I will answer any questions he asks truthfully and I want him to do the same too. I come to realise that we ended our friendship in such an ugly manner. I’m slightly sad to lose him from my life to be honest. Sometimes I couldn’t help wondering if I pop into his mind and if it did, what was his thought about me at that moment??

If I’m to take a wild guess, I will say I don’t pop into his mind anymore. Even if it did happened, he would had brushed it aside and not think of me. I know for a fact that he will never forgive me for all the things I wrote about him, about us and everything I had shared in this blog. Maybe is a good thing especially when I’m not certain of how I feel about him now. I definitely don’t hate him. Like I said, when I looked at his pictures I see a stranger staring back at me. A face that I know, but a heart and soul that I don’t at all!!

2 years coming and yet there isn’t a single day that I don’t think of him irregardless of my moods and feelings. He never left my mind even though he isn’t in my heart anymore. I just don’t know why I still think of him every single day and missed him occasionally!! I really don’t know. I have been trying to find answer, but haven’t manage to do so yet.

Anyway, I feel slightly better after writing this post. And now I’m sleepy so that are all for now. Goodnite everyone!

p.s. I want to ask him to forgive me, but I will never do so unless he asks for my forgiveness first. So stalemate because it will never happen.

Unedited emails from 2014 – Peter Wittendorp’s own words on admission and confession

Was cleaning up my almost forgotten gmail account and found the followings. Unedited. Part of my life and my past. Not ashamed of my past. To be honest, until today I’m still curious and wonder why he needed to create such a massive lie about his marriage. A question where I will never find out the answer in this lifetime or next or next. Haha.

I don’t feel sad reading back these old emails that I forgot to delete (didn’t realise until now as I don’t check this email account at all). I forgot I saved some of the sweet emails in a gmail account. Double set. Deleted 100% last year when he asked me too from my old email account (over 1000 emails), but totally forgot I saved some of it in my secret and forgotten gmail account until now.

I definitely don’t feel stupid anymore for trusting him wholeheartedly in the past. Making peace with my past hence openly sharing. He was my biggest and painful lesson in life and I’m very sure I was the same for him too.

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My admissions and confessions

When I didn’t know how to let go the normal way, I did it the harmful way. Up until now, I have never share on my blog the main reason behind my decision to post all my SMSes and emails history between me and him. I did it because I needed him to hate me to his core so that I would stop hoping for a day he would reach out to me again. Deep down I already know he wouldn’t reach out to me anymore, but my mind was still harbouring a minuscule % of hope that it would happen. I couldn’t hate him.

What I did wasn’t right at all. In fact, it was a crazy move, but it was the only choice I had if I wanted a new beginning. My mind didn’t know how to stop hoping and letting go so the only way I could think of and would work effectively was to make him hates me to his core. He probably might has deleted my existence. I needed to hurt him to free myself. So what about those posts I wrote about him and his pictures posted on my blog? Same reason. It was done for him to hates me. I know it was a very twisted and crazy move on my part and I don’t expect anyone to understand my reason and is ok.

Was there a tinge of revenge element? No. If I wanted to revenge I would have shared more intimate and personal details about him which he told me. I didn’t share details about him because it wasn’t a revenge act on my part. I gained nothing by my action except gaining hatred from him and mind freedom for myself. I’m definitely not justifying my action and not seeking understanding.

I did what I had to do to make myself move on and let go. I did what I had to do to free myself from my own mind trap. I have to be selfish because only me knows what I had to go through for the past 2 years.

A stupid decision to get his attention (I told him I was going to post about us because I wanted to get his attention as he was slipping out of my life back then) and switched off my mobile phone intentionally because I knew he would call me to ask me why I would want to post things about us. I wanted his attention and I did it the wrong way. It was a stupid move. I wouldn’t do it. And by the time I switched on my phone, it was already too late. Damaged done and accusation hurled at me. I regretted for 2 years for behaving so stupidly and for wanting his attention desperately back then. And it was really hurtful to realise that he could think of me to commit such a devious act was breaking my heart to pieces.

Anyway, past is past. I had forgiven myself so I won’t revisit again my stupidity and mistakes I had made. I had no one to blame but myself for wanting him to stay in my life and when he started to pull away I panic and used the one thing he worried the most to get his attention. I never told him that I just said those things to get his attention and to keep him in my life. There were times I wanted to ask him what did I gained from exposing us? Nothing!! If all I ever wanted was to keep him in my life, then why would I be so stupid to post about us when the relationship between us were still intact. Rough, but still intact at that point in time.

And now I’m doing my very best to make him stay away from me. Haha. I’m definitely a nutcase and very extreme. Anyway, let bygone be bygone. I just wanted to confess as I didn’t want to keep it as a secret anymore. The lesson I learnt is never try to get someone attention if he/she isn’t giving it willingly. And never ever use something they fear to get their attention because it will backfire and explore, like it did with me.

It was an expensive lesson and I had paid the price for it for the past 2 years emotionally and mentally so I’m not going to look back with regrets anymore. I definitely didn’t do what he accused me of. I will swear on my favourite grandma’s grave of my innocence. It is important for him to believe me? Not anymore.

Anyway, I’m happy now and that’s most important ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€. I hope whoever read this post will not do anything as stupid as I did. Is not worth it at the end of the day because the now who will be hurt the most is yourself. Remember that always.

Ok, that’s all I have to share.

Mood swing today

Mood swing started wee morning today. Unable to sleep well as a fair bit of negatives thought were swimming inside my brain and I felt down. In fact I shed a few tears too but it didn’t last long. I couldn’t sleep so I did some spring cleaning on my friends list. I deleted people who no longer I keep in touch, removed myself from inactive group chats and deleted old chat messages between myself and friends who has shown me their selfish side especially Naomi and Nora. I’m totally and utterly disappointed with them. I almost wanted to delete them from my phone book, but I held back. I deleted my chat history with Nora and removed myself from the group chat with Naomi & Gloria. I promised myself I will never allow myself to be taken advantage again.

I seriously feel like distancing myself from them and people who are fake. Lately, I’m becoming a loner. I haven’t left my house for a few days already and I’m actually feeling fine with it. Or maybe I have started to build a wall within my heart to protect myself from being hurt again. I used to be generous and big hearted with people especially with my friends, but what I got back in return is their selfishness. I have been asking myself lately should I terminate my friendship with them as I don’t feel connected to them anymore. Somethings in me have changed since the bad experienced 2 years ago. I don’t look at friendship and relationship in the same ways anymore. I don’t want to be the one always giving and being taken for granted anymore.

Being big hearted, generous and giving only brought me heartaches, disappointment and ย negativity. I need to stop doing that to protect myself. To be honest, I lose faith in humanity. Day in and day out I witnessed with my own eyes and experienced first hand the ugliness, selfishness and fakeness of my friends and brother. The more I see and hear ย personally, the less I want to know and associated to them. I’m slowly becoming a loner and to be honest, it is kinda peaceful.

I’m beginning to question the important of friendship if I have friends who are selfish and only reach out when they need something from me. What value do they have to add to my life?? The more I try to search for the good things about them, the more I realised they had not done anything for me. I wasn’t a calculative person until now. I don’t keep scores of what I did for my friends and family until now. And it was because of my bad experienced with him. I’m changed because of what he did to me.

Honestly, I will never wish him well. I wished he will be cheated 1 day. Karma will catch up with him. I prayed for that day to happen to him fast. Yes, that were all the ugly thoughts that went thru my mind when I had a terrible mood swing. He robbed too much from me and I wanted him to pay one way or the other. Luckily, it was just thoughts and it passed by quickly.

Anyway, I never allow myself to go on a down spiral into darkness. I managed to control my thoughts and injects positive thinking and energy into my brain so that I can bounce back fast. If I can’t stop thinking negative thoughts, what I will do is distract myself by playing games on my iPad until the negative thoughts passed. Most of the time it works because I stop myself from thinking and focus on just playing games and nothing else.

Oh well, I feel better already. Is time to go to bed so that I can have a good sleep and feels good tomorrow.

Vion – 1 of my best friend of 23 years

Just had a late lunch cum early dinner. Tonight going to attend a Moet party at Arena Bar. Tomorrow will be spending time with 1 of my best friend from Hong Kong, Vion. I have known her for 23 years already. We met in university. We both studied in HPU and during my stayed in Hawaii, she had been a great friend to me. I had a severe lower back pain at 20 years old and couldn’t sit, sleep ad stand without feeling a severe sharp pain. At that time Vion was working as a clerk in a chiropractor’s office. I called her in the middle of the night for helped and she came immediately. She brought the chiropractor with her and to help me to lessen my pain. I was all alone in Hawaii and she was the only friend who had car back then. Subsequently, she arranged for me to go to the chiropractor’s clinic to get treatments. It helped to lessen my lower back pain. I was told by the chiropractor that I had a mild sclerosis and until today I still experience lower back pain. Yoga helps, but if I stand or sit or walk too much, the sharp pain will hits me and makes me grumpy and helpless!

Anyway, coming back to Vion. She is the type of person who shoots her mouth and sometimes her words were very piercing and sarcastic. She speaks her mind and doesn’t gives a rat shit about what people think of her. I can talk to her about anything and everything. She is actually a very caring and nice person if you can accept her bluntness. She is even more blunt than me!!! Haha! Is true. I have accepted her for who she is and doesn’t get offended easily by the words that came out of her mouth. In fact, I can count on her to give me the un-sugarcoated version of things. She will exert her views even if I don’t ask for it ๐Ÿ˜€! I’m cool with her as overall she means well and just looking out for my best interests.

She always take the initiative to reach out to me by calling me when she hasn’t heard from me for a period of time. Usually we will speak 1-2 times a month just to catch up on life. She is street smart (typical HKger) and is doing fair well as a property agent in HK.

When we were both studying in Hawaii, she would called me up after my night class and asked if I had eaten. When I told her I hadn’t, she would drove to my condo in Waikiki Beach to take me out for dinner. I can still remember an incident where her car was tolled away by the authority because she parked next to the hydrant. We were panicked when we couldn’t find the car. Our 1st thought was it might had been stolen. But when we looked again at the spot she parked, we realised that it was most likely that it was tolled away by the authority. Haha. It was a lesson learnt not to park next to a hydrant.

I’m grateful to have her as my good friend. I told her everything about my life, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful parts of my life journey. She will always be 1 of my best friend till the end of my life.

Well she has been in KL for more than 1 week, but because she has a fair bit of friends in KL so she only has time to catch up with me tomorrow. Beside, I was busy during weekdays with appointments and meetings so I’m cool to spend time with her tomorrow. I’m going to take her for tim-sum, follow by a site visit, some shopping and then dinner with my dad, stepmom and half sister. They met her before and Vion loves to chat with dad as she always says my dad is a funny man and also she has lots of respects for my dad because of his never gives up fighting spirit. My dad is a super positive man. I believe I inherited his positive thinking ๐Ÿ˜!

Oh well, tomorrow night dinner will be full of laughter for sure. I’m actually looking forward to spending time with Vion as her brashness and bluntness are refreshing. But having said that, I have a limit of how many days I can enjoy her company. Not so much because of her, but more to do with myself. I have a need to shutdown and be by myself after spending long amount of time with people irregardless if they are my family or good friends. I just need my alone time to clear my mind and enjoy my own company. If I don’t get that I will become grumpy and irritated. Maybe is because I’m so used to my own company I can’t handle too much time being surrounded by people and noises.

So a day in her company is just perfect for me ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜. But now I have to stop here as I need to go and buy some groceries before heading home. Happy weekend everyone!!