I worry about money as I haven’t been closing any big deals since I rejoined the industry 2 years ago. I’m getting more worried because I have big ticket bills to pay monthly that will cost me at least RM40k/month and I have zero steady income that can covers the amount. Since I took a break in 2013, I have been living on my reserves, money that I earned during those good years. I’m heavily invested in stock market and properties and these 2 markets are pathetic right now hence my money is stuck big time. I had also lost a fair bit of money on failed businesses (at least RM400k) and also lousy investment on a property in Ipoh which would cost me to lose at least RM600k if I sell it below my purchased price + bank loan interest over the years. So at least RM1mil down the drain. Not to mention that I also did lost some money on stock market. Easily another RM300-RM400k, so another hole in my bank account. And then a loan of RM1mil to my dad about 10 years ago which he hasn’t pays me back so another chunk out of my retirement fund. Plus zero substantial income pouring in since 2013 and I still continue to live a comfortable lifestyle, travelling to exotic places, staying in 4-5 stars hotel and resort, shopping and etc, I really don’t know how I did it???
I’m surprise and in awe with myself simply because I only compromise 20%-30% of my previous lifestyle currently. I don’t have extra cash to buy new watches (which to be honest I stopped buying even when I could still afford it because I didn’t see anything I like) and reduce shopping on Chanel bags. Now I found a new avenue to shop for Chanel bags – Closet by Reebonz. Can really find some good deals sometimes so technically I’m still buying. Haha. Yes, it isn’t fun that I can’t spend money without watching my bank account because my funds are all tied up in assets that I’m unable to cash out quickly and easily. It is also because of this reason I’m not able to pursue my dream of going back for a MBA in psychology sooner. But I’m not poor. I’m just cash straps for now. Which bring me back to the fact that I manage to survive for 4 years without a substantial and steady income. This year is the 5th year and I have to tap into my other reserve, which is my stocks. Managed to cash out some without incurring loses so thank god.
As a woman, I would consider myself very lucky and capable. Everything I own, I bought it with my hard earned money. No helps from my dad or brother. Up until today, I never borrow a single cent from anyone including my dad. Aside from the banks, I don’t owe anyone any money or favours. Yes, some people would say think it is pitiful that I have to work so hard to support myself and no one to help me to share some of the financial burden, but for me is ok. Of course it is always nice to have a man to buy me gifts, take care of my financial woes, but this type of man is hard to find in KL. I don’t live in a country where I can easily meet successful businessmen. Most men I met were losers or just not on par with me. So relying on them will be a joke. And to be honest, it is definitely nice to have a man who can afford to buy gifts for me, but I’m ok to buy my own gifts until I’m lucky enough to meet a man who will buy for me. Hahaha.
When I was a kid, I already learned and knew that the only person I can rely on all the time is myself. If I want anything I have to find ways to get it myself. Although my dad did supported me until I finished university, but when I asked him for a small monetary loan in my mid-20s’ and he said no, I promised myself on that very day that I will work hard and earn lots of money so that I won’t need to ask or to borrow money from anyone again. And from that day onwards, I never ask anyone to loan me money. I also learned to be financially independent and not wait for a man to buy gifts for me or takes me for luxury holidays and etc. If I can’t afford to buy things or take the vacation I want, then I will just work harder to earn more money until I can afford to buy. Simple. For the time being, I just can’t afford to splurge like I used to and is ok.
I almost closed 2 big deals, but it fell through and have to restart again so it is delayed until further notice. Well, life is unpredictable and in my profession anything can happen in the next call that comes in. I’m used to bad news hence I don’t overreact anymore. In fact, instead of reacting with complains, I usually go into finding solutions/alternatives mode so that I keep and up the odd of closing the deal higher. My brain never stops thinking unless I consciously choose not to think. I’m a bit worry about money, but I have decided to take 1 day at a time. I have learned how to live in the moment and nowadays I spend a lot of alone time. I don’t go out drinking with my brother that much anymore and even during the day on weekend I’m lazy to go out as there is nothing much to do. I can actually spend those time taking up hobbies or exercising, but I’m plain too lazy to do. Haha. I should actually force myself to make it a habit to take up another 1-2 more hobbies. Maybe I should learn photography. And I should practice indoor rock climbing more often even solo. I just feel odd to climb by myself even though there are always solo climbers at Camp5. Ok, I should stop finding excuses. Instead should just do it. Will make a conscious effort starting from 1st of March. My coach is going to be shocked if she knows I hasn’t step my legs into Camp 5 since she went back to Colombia for holidays. Haha. I hope my climbing won’t become too rusty.
For the time being, I will try not to worry about my current financial situation too much. I’m sure I will be able to resolve my financial woes soon. Oh well….