April 18 will be exactly 1 year that Peter Wittendorp is out of my life. It is time for me to let go of the gazillion % of hope that he will 1 day reach out to me to iron things out and be in my life again. Is time to wake up and accept the reality and fact that his journey in my life has ended 1 year ago. Although I cursed him and always said that I didn’t want him in my life (yes it was also the truth and fact), but there were also some moments that I wished he would miraculously appear in my life and we will have an adult conversation to clear the air of all misunderstanding and accusations. I also wished we would say sorry in person and forgive each other for all the nasty things we had said. But I know it will never ever happen. Deep down I know our path has ended, but yet I’m too stubborn to accept this fact. I was holding on to a non-existent glimmer of hope instead of letting go.
But now it is really time to wake up and stop wishing. It is time to let go, move on and stop thinking about him. I need to let go of our memories, both good and bad if I want to get him out of my mind. We will never be friend in this lifetime anymore. It is really time for me to stop writing about him or mention him in my posts. It is not doing me any good if I continue to write about him because then I’m keeping him alive in my mind. I can’t continue to allow him to stay in my mind. I need to create space for someone new to enter my life who will treats me good and with respect. I need to give myself a chance to meet someone who will be mine and mine only.
With a sigh and a bit of heavy heart I’m finally ready to close the door and the chapter of my story with Peter Wittendorp. I promised this will be the last time I will write his name and mentioned him in my post. I wish I could turn back the clock and thrash things out openly and honestly rather than cowardly running away from the issues, accusations and misunderstandings. Anyway I’m going to stop wishing and start accepting and letting go of my mistakes. And for the final time I’m going to admit openly and in writing that I do miss him.
With finality I’m closing Peter Wittendorp’s chapters in my life journey.