Feeling disconnected from Chris

For the past couple of weeks my chats with Chris were sporadic and minimal. It has became his pattern now to MIA for a few days, resurfaced, apologised, chat a bit and then MIA again! I’m getting tired of his communication style and lack of effort therefore I stopped texting him for a few days already. I don’t reached out to him anymore. Most of the time he reached out to me 1st and apologised for missing in action.  Below was the latest text from him yesterday at 4am because of the time difference between Dubai and KL.

I’m not feeling the connection to him anymore. And I really don’t know what we have between us that he likes. To me there is nothing between us. How can there be anything between us when he doesn’t check up on me daily or take a keen interest in my life. Seriously, I’m tired of getting his apology every few days with the same excuses. Is like groundhog week! But I will give him credit where is due…..he always apologise when he went silent too long. Not sure is that good or bad, but at least he admitted he is being an ass.

If I was still the old me before my painful experienced with Peter Wittendorp, I would have been happy to read all his sweet words and apology. But nowadays I don’t fall for sweet words anymore. I watch their actions. If the actions don’t match the words then those words are just BS and not worth to be taken seriously at all. I have learned and accepted the fact that people give time to whoever they want. Busy is just the lamest excuse and BS to use when we don’t want to reply to someone. We give time to who we want to give time too. To tell me that he likes what we are having (which I don’t know what is it), but can’t even allocate 5-10mins of his time to chat with me daily then how can he said he likes what we have!! There is nothing to like at all. At least for me there is nothing to like!

I’m not unhappy or upset. I’m just letting it be and let him do whatever he wants. I really don’t like to force interactions anymore especially if it isn’t given freely from the other party. I enjoyed chatting with him, but that doesn’t mean I will put up with his sporadic appearances. The pattern is so obvious and it really reminded me of Peter Wittendorp pattern too. I had enough of Peter Wittendorp, I don’t want history to repeat itself again with Chris. If Chris doesn’t puts in effort and time, don’t expect me to do the same. And apology doesn’t makes things right when the same shit happened on a regular basis (MIA).

Anyway, if Chris wants to ghost I won’t stop him or reach out to ask him not to. I let him do whatever he wants to do and I do whatever I want. Like I told him in my above WhatsApp chat, I stay away because I don’t like the long silent and the sporadic chats. So instead of asking him to change his pattern, I chose to stay away as it is easier for me to control my own actions than his. Once I have learned to accept people for who they are and how they behave with each person, I realised the best way to deal with a situation is to decide what I should do and don’t instead of asking the other person to do what I want them to do. Anything that is force or demand out from the other person isn’t something I want to receive. It makes me feel like I’m desperate and begging, which I’m neither. I had enough of such feeling when I was with Peter Wittendorp to last me forever. I won’t subject myself to such feelings anymore with anyone no matter how much I like the person be it a man or woman.

I respect people who are blunt and upfront with me rather than those that keep giving me excuses for their shitty actions and apologised for it later just so they can restart it again! So what am I going to do with Chris? Nothing. I give up on him already. I’m feeling disconnected from him at this moment and it doesn’t matters to me if he stays in touch or not. I don’t feel his presence in the past few weeks, which makes it so much easier for me to decide to stay away from him.

Until now I still haven’t received any of his reply to my last message (above). Is his pattern and that is why I don’t feel like replying him as I did expect a courtesy reply. Oh well, I couldn’t be bothered by the lack of it. I have tons of things to do.

Subject close for now!

 

 

 

 

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