…about how what they are feeling, how I make them feel, what they think or how they think and etc. I don’t put in too much time and effort to try to figure or find out their feeling and thinking. If they want to tell me, I will listen BUT the moment I sense any negative vibes from them I will shutdown and stay clear. I have learned not to absorb negative vibes/energy and also not to waste my time trying to cheer up anyone like I used to do in the past. I allow them to go through their own emotion/feeling and to sort it out themselves. They aren’t my responsibility and I won’t make it mine because we are all adults and we should be responsible for our own feelings and actions.
Caring less is actually helping me to see people without an idea of who they should be in my mind, but rather let them be who they are, their true self. Nowadays when 1 of my BFF told me she doesn’t mind tolerating and putting up with her psychotic husband verbal abuse so that her family will still be intact and her kids still have a father, I told her I don’t agree with her decision, but I will respect it. I told her as long as she is happy in this kind of arrangement, who am I to judge and advice differently. She knows best what is good for her, her kids and family. I don’t. In the past I will tell her to leave her psycho husband, which she did for many times but always accepted him back with open arms. Every single time she did that in the past, it made me slightly pissed off at her as I found her weak and needy. However, after my experience with Peter Wittendorp, I told myself to let people be who they are and don’t interfere with their decision because I will never get a thank you for trying to help, but instead I might get a curse from them! Beside, I’m really tired of becoming their sounding board because they sound like a broken record.
So when I care less about other people, I gain more time for myself and fill my life with positive energy. After the highly dramatic and energy draining lovership/friendship with Peter Wittendorp, I surrender!! And finally, I stop caring who stays in my life and who leaves because I have no control over their choice and I DEFINITELY don’t want to force them to stay. I’m not a beggar, I don’t want to beg for people to be my friends, stay in my life or love me. If they want to leave by all means. And once they leave I will delete their contact and their existence in my life. If only I did that to Peter Wittendorp previously instead of giving him so many chances, I wouldn’t had to experience a heartbreak, emotional roller coaster, being called a cunt/bitch and most important of all I wouldn’t be wrongly accused! He thought he was smart and knew everything, but did he??
If he was smart and fair, he wouldn’t jump to conclusion and threw accusation at me. There are always more than 1 story within a story. Sometimes when the memories flashed back, it still got to me because until today I still can’t 100% accept the fact that his dark side could be so mean, harsh and cold. It was like he turned into a monster that had no conscience and feeling. So dark and scary. I’m not going to think about it because it might upset me.
Anyway, caring less is also a good thing as it helps to reduce my stress level. When I care less I can truly live my life at my own terms and conditions. Sure, I will lose some people who don’t enjoy the new me, but is ok.
OK have to stop here as I can’t keep my eyes open anymore….Sayonara and Goodnite everyone!