I have changed

I have changed. The minute I sense negative vibes heading toward my direction, I will run the other way and stay away from the people who are oozing the negative vibes until it have passed. In the past, I would always be around to cheer up those people and absorbed some of their negative vibes, but not anymore. I do make an exception for a few close friends and family, but usually I will only put up with it for 2-3x max and after that I will just stay away from them until they have sorted out their own issues. I prefer to surround myself with people who are filled with positive vibes, a fighter, a doer and a goal getter!! I want to surround myself with people who don’t curb my craziness or tell me that it is impossible to achieve my dreams and goals, but instead challenge me to set bigger goals and dreams than I dare to set!

Nowadays, I will just listen and give my views 1-2x max and if the people still come back to me to whine and complain about the same topics/issues, I will tell just shut off and tell them to do what they feel is best for them. I don’t allow myself to get suck into their dramas and problems anymore. In the past, I always felt that I should lent a helping hand or ears to people who need it and to cheer them up when they were unhappy and down, but not anymore!! I don’t want to spend and invest my time and energy listening to whiners and complainers! I admit I have become more selfish!!

I have also stop using the word “sorry” unless I really have to use it to apologise to someone. Previously I used it very loosely and always apologised even though I didn’t do anything wrong. I apologised for voicing and sharing my feelings/thoughts/views when I shouldn’t. But not anymore. The word “sorry” is uttered when it is absolutely necessary only!! Which isn’t often. I will also not allow people to guilt trip me into apologising when I’m not wrong. In the past, I did that frequently because I was afraid of losing a particular person as I wanted him to in my life. And most of the time I didn’t had to say “sorry”, but I did just to appease him so that he wouldn’t walk out of my life! Looking back now, I shouldn’t had did what I did. It was a lesson and I became a changed person because of this particular person (Peter Wittendorp).

I called people out on their bullshit when I hear it especially when I’m the recipient of their crappy behaviour, actions and bullshit excuses/reasons/stories! My tolerant for bullshit is almost zero now. I prefer people who will give me their answers straight up without sugar coating so that I don’t need to waste time guessing their meaning and intention. Gone are the days when I feel the need to take care and into consideration of their feeling. I’m only responsible for my own feelings and emotions. I’m not obligated and responsible to take care of other people feelings and emotions. And I will not be held accountable for other people decisions and actions. We are adults. We know what we are doing, how we are feeling, what we are thinking, who we are dealing with and why we allow it?? Hence we shouldn’t blame other people for our decisions and actions irregardless how bad is the final outcome/result! I will not tolerate and allow anyone to shift the blame to me if the person has given me his/her consent or knowingly and actively  participate in a situation/relationship/lovership!

I am sharing less about myself, especially my childhood as it was the past and I don’t want to bring it up again as I keep moving forward in my life. Beside I don’t want to explain to people why I disown my crazy mum repetitively. No I’m not ashamed of my childhood and upbringing, I just feel that it doesn’t serves any purpose to share my childhood story with people as I’m not trying to gain sympathy from anyone. I just don’t want to relive my childhood again and again. That’s all.

Last but not least, I find it easier to cut people out of my life nowadays. If people want to walkout of my life, the door is opened. I only request them to inform me of their decision and not ghost on me. I will not try to make anyone stay if they want to leave because if they want to stay they would have not leave in the 1st place. I will miss them (depending on who they are to me and how much I cherish and value them in my life), but I won’t hold on them. People come and go in our life. Not all will make it until the end of my life journey. The earlier I accept this fact, the better it is for me. I used to think that if someone walkout of my life it means I wasn’t lovable and worthy of having them in my life. But after last year experienced and my recent new found self, I realised and understand that my worthiness and lovability aren’t tie to anyone, but myself! I need to learn to love myself wholeheartedly and see the value in myself even if other people fail to do so. My self worth and self love come from my self and no one else!! And no one can take those 2 things away from me if I hold firm to it! I have changed and still changing and is all for my own sake!! I just need to accept myself without a doubt and my life will be even more carefree than it is already! Haha!

We only have 1 life to live! So we should live it to the fullest without regrets!


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