“Don’t”

A regularly use word in daily life, but yet I have a serious aversion to this word especially if it is uttered by someone I like such as Chris. We were having our regular chats and I asked him if he has different compartments in his minds for different things in his life as I know most men do. It was just a curious question from my end because I enjoy studying people.

And to be fair his replied was normal, but he used the word “Don’t”!!! His exact phrase was, “Don’t study me or you end up with headache and horny”. It was kinda funny the last part of the sentence, but I didn’t feel funny at all. I felt slightly pissed off and went into a defensive mode. The reason I felt pissed off was because it reminded me of Peter Wittendorp. He liked to use the word “Don’t” a lot….”can you please don’t do this or that” or “why don’t you do this or that”…..I felt deja vu all over again as if like I needed permission to do or say anything I like and want in my life. I hate being told what I can or can’t do. I know Chris didn’t mean it like that, but because of my past experienced the word just irked me to the max!

So I replied him….I didn’t waste time studying him as people change and they don’t show their true self anyway. He didn’t reply back after that. Later in the evening, I dropped him a message to tell him that I will stay away from him for a few days as I felt some negativity building up and I don’t want to take it out on him unintentionally.

He replied and said he understand and is normal because we are all human. He is like that too. And he thanked me for telling him. I didn’t explain to him why I wanted to stay away. I thought about telling him, but then I decided not to because I don’t feel like explaining myself about my past with Peter. Even if I did explained he might not have understand why I have aversion to a word.

Is something I need to work on it myself. No one can help me to overcome this aversion. I just didn’t expect that a simple word will bring back negative memories of Peter. Sigh……

Anyway, let’s hope I get rid of the aversion for the word “Don’t” asap. Wish me luck!

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