Lucky (posted on 13.5.16 @ blogger.com)

I feel lucky that I don’t need to see Peter Wittendorp on a daily basis, especially now when he is so mean and cold. I will feel so sad looking at him slowly turning into someone I don’t recognise anymore. A stranger that I don’t have to face everyday. I don’t know what he thinks anymore, when he is telling the truth and when not. I’m so scare of him now. I don’t know when he will hurt me without feeling remorse or bad about his actions. Imagine going to bed and waking up everyday to someone you love only to realise that the person next to you isn’t what he/she used to be.

How do you live with someone who is constantly changing and turning hateful and revengeful? Are you able to look this person in the eyes and don’t feel sad and hurt? Peter who hurts me isn’t a happy person anymore. He constantly has to fight his own demon and in the process he turns into one. I told him yesterday that he is turning into a monster. A manipulative, cold and mean person. I had been trying to make him see the goodness in everything and everyone, but I failed. Not only I failed big time, he unleashed his super ugly side of him on me yesterday evening. He must be proud to successfully pushed me out of his life for good and destroyed the friendship that he claimed and said he valued so much!! A big fat liar! 😥

You don’t hurt people you truly care and value. You will do everything in your power to protect them. His wrath is obscene. I’m just sad when I think of him. Although Peter hurts me greatly, I still don’t want him to turn into a cold, calculated, mean, manipulative and scary person.

I don’t trust him anymore and I will never forget what he did to me, but I will forgive him. By forgiving him, I forgive myself for all my naivety and stupidity. I’m glad that I don’t need to face him everyday. I feel lucky that I don’t need to wake up and go to bed next to him everyday. I couldn’t pretend that life is as usual when the essence has changed. I’m not a fake person. In public and private, I’m the same person. Hence, I will take full responsibility for my actions and accept all consequences that come with my decision to do something.

I’m lucky because I can be me and he spares me further heartaches by showing me this seriously ugly side of him now and not later. I’m lucky I can walkaway from all the dramas in his life. I’m lucky I don’t need to live in the same roof with this person. This person is hardened, unfeeling, uncaring and so so so mean. He is totally a different person now!! I don’t admire and respect this person anymore. This person doesn’t deserves to have me in his life.

I’m lucky I don’t need to waste anymore of my time to try to keep him from turning into a monster because all my caring failed. All my reminders felt on deaf ears. All my good intentions had been twisted into accusations and threats. Fucking unbelievable!!

Nevertheless, I’m lucky to escape although at one stage I was crazy about him and loved him dearly. I truly and deeply loved Peter Wittendorp, but I told him now he lost me forever! Is ok, nothing in life is permanent. Learn and move on.

Always keep a smile on because no matter how hard life is at the moment, there is a rainbow after the storm.

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