During one of our long phone conversations, I remember I asked him why he couldn’t show the world the real him. He asked me to guess. He was in Europe at that time. He went grouse hunting last August. We spoke on the phone daily for a week and he gave me so much hope back then. He confessed that he couldn’t forget me and his feelings for me never change so he wanted to continue to be with me. He told me he wanted to drink wine with me and spent quality time together. He said he will make me feel special and allocat more time for me. He said he loved me. He said it wasn’t a traditional love because he loved 2 women at the same time. Of course being the sucker me and as I was still crazy and in love with him, I believed all his words and was praying and hoping that he would honor his words this time around. Needless to say it was just empty promises!!!
Everytime he travelled, we would spent long hours talking over the phone, laughing silly at our own jokes. I would be staying up until 3-4am just to talk to him since I didn’t have to work back then. He would always asked me to go to sleep early so that I wouldn’t look haggard the next day. He loved and enjoyed teasing me and vice versa. I miss those days. Although he behaved like a jerk towards me and treated me heartlessly and coldly, he can be really fun, caring and nice. He was more carefree when he travelled. Why? In his own words, less judgment and away from uptight society. He lives and works in Asia, but he has to travel to Europe and USA for business.
He also told me many times that he should just marry me. I laughed it off every time he mentioned that because I knew it was just a joke. Marriage isn’t my cup of tea. It is just a piece of paper that means nothing but tying one person down legally. Not something I agree. I respect people who could stay in love and together for 20 years or 30 years without being married. Anyway, he didn’t only said it out loud he wanted to marry me but also wrote about it 1-2 times during our whatsapp chats! But I don’t have those messages anymore! It was deleted upon his requests 😞! Should have kept it for memories sake so that I can focus more on his good side! Haha!
Anyway, I’m still learning to let go of not having him in my life and our friendship. We had known each other for 10 years. That’s why it is hard for me to accept and understand how he could be so cruel, harsh and mean towards me! I have always been myself. Anyway…..I better stop here for now because I don’t want to feel sad and tear up.
freespiritedcolumn 