Moving forward, I have decided that I will be even more outspoken and blunt than I was previously. I can truly feel how liberating it is to speak my mind and do as my heart desires. I think I’m becoming more brazen with my words, thoughts and actions. I can see and feel things much more clearly than before. No cloudiness or uncertainties. I could see the clarity in every situation and I’m aligning myself to get to where I want to be and what I want to achieve out of life, both professionally and personally. And 1 of the biggest goal for me is to be even more truer to myself. Meaning, I will not omit a single part of myself just to make people like me. I will not try to change myself to please anymore. I will only change myself to please myself!
I will not put up with bullshit and I will just get to the point. I will ask pointed questions bluntly and if the answers aren’t satisfactory I will ask until I get the truth out. I will still give benefit of the doubts, but I will not trust easily. I will not mince my words like I used to do with Peter because I wanted him to stay in my life. It won’t happen again. If people are unable to accept me for me, then they can just stay away from my life. I know not a lot of people can accept the unfiltered me because a lot of my good friends (both male and female) had told me that numerous time. Haha. Sometimes I wished I was borne a man because the way I think, behave and act are very similar to men than women.
In fact sometimes they teased me and said I’m more a man than an actual man minus the dick. They always said I’m more daring and have mental balls that some men are lacking. Hence I always like to joke that although I don’t have physical balls, I have mental balls. And men have mental balls, but might lack of mental balls. I know a few men who really don’t have mental balls when compare to men 😝😝. NC (the guy drawn to me) told me that he rarely met a woman who is as confident in herself as me. And he finds that very attractive and intriguing.
I’m just too ballsy, not sometime only, but most of the time. I used to have some small concern that if I don’t tone down myself a bit I might scare men away and might lose the chance to meet my Mr.Right. But now I don’t think that way anymore because I finally realised that if a man wants to be with me, he will find all my qualities, both bad and good acceptable and attractive. If a man wants to change me to fit into the image he has formed of me in his mind, he can kiss my ass and stay away from my life.
1 big lesson I learnt from my relationship with Peter is never ever compromise my true self to please and keep a man because at the end of the day it isn’t worth it. At this point in life, I’m happy being single. If a man is going to give me more headaches by being in my life, than I rather he isn’t in my life at all. Is just not worth the stress to have a man in my life if he can’t add to my happiness quota. I want to be with a man who can be his true self with me and we can add to each other happiness quota. I have decided that I just want to be happy and live life on my own terms and conditions.
I don’t know what happened to me since July, but everyday since then I could see things so much more clearer and the more clarity I have, the more I love my unfiltered life. NC told me it is even rarer to meet a woman who is so comfortable in her own skin and being her true self and he found it in me. Frankly, he wasn’t the 1st person to tell me that. I had many people told me the same thing as he told me.
I think I can safely say I have reached another level mentally and emotionally. Finally I’m fully embracing and enjoying myself 100% without holding back anymore. It was quite a tough ride before I reached this level. No regrets so far. And because I went thru so much road blocks and tests to become who I’m today, I will fully enjoy myself without any censorship. I don’t expect everyone to enjoy and accept me, and that’s ok. What’s important is I enjoy and accept myself wholeheartedly. That’s all that matter and the most important key to living a happy life.
Always, always be true and honest to self!!
Ending this post with a link for an interesting article Honesty and Acceptance Starts With Self