Had 2.5 hours morning breakfast with my Country Head on Monday (18.7.16) to discuss about my future in the company. I told her I’m not sure if I can last long in the company as the rigid company structure is really not my cup of tea and I don’t find the fun in working in the company. I don’t like reporting and I don’t like the pressure. At this stage of my life, I want to work for pleasure and not pressure. I don’t want to climb up the corporate ladder (not that I’m not capable and qualify). I just want to enjoy my work without having to concern myself about achieving my target and etc. I want freedom. I live to work NOT work to live. Most people will worry if they still have a job, I don’t.
I told my Country Head that I feel like I have to prove myself all over again in this company and I don’t like that. And most important I don’t want to suck up to my clients when I don’t want to. I want to be able to choose my clients and if I work in this company I don’t have the freedom and flexibility. She understood and she tried her best to convince me to continue to stay for the balance of 18 months. She said she needed me to help her to grow the company. I told her to give me until August and I will give her my final decision. I told her I need to sort out my own thoughts and find my own goal. I will give her my final decision after my birthday in August.
Frankly, if possible I would want to quit my job now as this job isn’t for me. I don’t enjoy reporting and I hate the bureaucratic and rigid corporate structure. I find it suffocating. I don’t like to play by the rules and the office politics. Maybe when I was younger and before I had a taste of being my own boss and responsible for my own decision making, I would think climbing the corporate ladder and being a CEO of a company was the best thing in the world. But not now anymore. I find people who work in such an environment are usually very conscious about their reputation and wearing a mask – a public persona and a private persona are 2 different people. Just like Peter. I can’t be that type of person. I work hard to behave the same publicly and privately and I don’t want to hide any part of me to please people.
And I might have to do that in the office as someone commented to my Country Head that I came across as negative when I vented my frustrations on a client. She told me try not to vent in the open office and if I need to, goes to her and let it out. Hahaha! When I heard that I was like….seriously!! Venting frustration = negative!! It is hilarious to even hear that remark as everyone who knows me will confirm that I’m the most positive person they have ever met. Even Peter said that to me all the time and it was 1 of the thing he loved about me….my positiveness!! So to be told that I appeared negative because I vented my frustrations, I wasn’t only feeling dumbfounded but also hilarious 😂
See, I also have to give up my freedom of speech and expression!! Ridiculous! She told that I’m too noticeable whether I want it or not. People will just pay more notice to me from what I wear to what i say and do. Can’t help it she said especially with my blonde color hair and outgoing nature couple with my directness.
Anyway, bottomline is I don’t need this job so not going to concern myself with the comments. I might not have the same financial stability as I used to have 3.5 years ago, but I still have enough for me to choose what I want to do and who I want or don’t want to work for. This is the type of freedom I have and I’m not afraid to choose. I’m truly lucky that I LIVE TO WORK and not WORK TO LIVE!