I googled my own name and found that I was called a cunt and stupid bitch by the internet harasser. There were a lot of posts ranting about me and Peter Wittendorp as well as her. I was furious when I read what was wrote repetitively. It was vicious, demeaning and malicious! And for the 1st time I saw all 3 our names linked together!! Fuck! And I was called a hypocrite! I was like WTF!! I didn’t do anything to deserve such a vicious and demeaning attack by this unknown person! I didn’t harm anyone intentionally in my entire life to be called a cunt and stupid bitch. I’m innocent and I was dragged into this ugliness just because I knew him. I already went thru a lot in my 2 years of association with him and now I have to experience this type of aggressive abuse and demeaning names calling, which is really pissing me off big time. I don’t want to revisit how I was dragged into this ugliness and muddiness……if he acted as a responsible man and be honest and upfront with me from Day 1 or when this internet harassment started, I would be more cautious and alert with my actions. If only……
Anyway, the past is the past. I can’t turn back the clock to rewrite history. I can only learn to adapt and move forward. I had done my best to request those websites to remove those malicious posts where my name appeared since he doesn’t bother to do anything about it. 1 or 2 websites did removed those posts and after their removal from their websites I had to send the removal content request to Google to get those cached remove too. Managed to get some of it removed from Google search, but there are still out there. I really don’t understand why he doesn’t asks for removal!! Damn it!
Because of the ugliness and vicious attacked, I decided that if my reputation has to go thru the muddiness, then I should be the one to do it myself rather than left it to an internet harasser to do the job! I’m not sure if I have made the right decision to openly admit my past with him. I really don’t know. I just feel that this is the right thing to do. I don’t want to give the harasser any more upper hand to expose me and him. We were the past and he is no longer in my life. I shouldn’t have to go thru this ugliness anymore. I don’t deserve it!! I never got anything good from him during the past 2 years so now that he is out of my life….I deserve peace! He hasn’t protected me in the past, he will never protect me now especially when he has no qualms in throwing accusation at me. So I have to depend on myself to salvage my reputation and retain my sanity.
Beside, he doesn’t deserves me protecting his identity too. We are mature adults, hence we should take responsibility for our actions and decisions. Anyway, I just don’t want to give anyone any chance to shoot me in the head. If I have to be killed, I will pull the trigger myself!
I just pray that the ugliness and viciousness will end very very soon! As to how he feels or thinks if he reads my posts, I really don’t care. If he truly knows me and willing to see things from my standpoint, he will understands why I’m writing all these posts. But my money is on that he will never understands and even if he does, he will choose not to. Anyway, think whatever he wants. I’m done trying to understand him.
So for now I just have to rely on myself to protect my own reputation and remove as much of those vicious and demeaning posts as possible. And also pray that the internet harasser won’t attack me anymore especially when I’m no longer associated to Peter Wittendorp. We are just stranger now. Mix feeling about being stranger. Will write about it in my next post on this topic if I feel like sharing.