My best friend, Gloria asked me the above question. She asked if Peter had asked me the above question before and I told her yes he did. She asked what were my answer. I told her my answer to him was I really didn’t know what I loved about him. Until today, I still couldn’t figure out what I love about him. It is just a feeling. If anyone would to ask me what I hate and dislike about him, I can provide a long lists. hahaha. Not kidding. But if I have to give a list why I love him, I can’t. I just feel connected to him mentally and physically. We could talked about anything and everything without missing a beat. We could switched topic easily and we would laughed silly over the most senseless nonsense. We were comfortable with each other till the fact that we acted like big kids around each other.
Emotionally, sometimes I felt connected to him, but other times I didn’t. Nevertheless, we definitely had great chemistry hence it made it harder for me to forget him. I’m not him so I’m not capable to block him from my mind like he can. At least that was what he claimed he could do.
Although he always complained I’m too blunt and difficult to handle, he always accepted it. There were times I felt he was trying to tame and change me, but he knew I’m untameable and unchangeable. I’m ME and will always be ME. haha. I loved to write long emails and messages to him and even though he complained about it, he never failed reading every single emails and messages I sent to him. He even remembered what I wrote and said, where else I forgot most of it. Haha. He has better memory than me. That’s a fact.
My best friend, Gloria, asked me how could I recovered so fast from what had happened between me and him? I told her it is because I choose to accept him as him. Yes the side of him that he showed me was very dark, ugly, mean, harsh and cold, but that are part of him. Those components are part of his DNA. I don’t wish to experience it, but since I had, I might as well accept it. Pointless to try to understand why he behaved in those manners. When you truly love someone, you will learn to accept all their flaws. Beside, his personalities are a reflection of him. If he doesn’t care about showing me the ugly and bad sides or him, why should I take the responsibility to concern myself with it.
Accepting is much easier than denying. To be fair, he isn’t a scary monster. He is a human with emotions and feelings too. Just very unfortunate I received the bulk of it. It wasn’t ok, but I have forgave him and my heart is at peace. I told Gloria it doesn’t matter what he thinks of me. His 1 person view doesn’t change who I’m. I will not waste time and energy to prove him wrong because people who truly know and understand me don’t need me to prove myself.
And I choose to be a bigger person and heart than him. Not a wise choice, but I will still choose it because it makes me happy :-)! Last but not least, it actually feels very liberating to be able to write about him and me openly without worrying. I don’t care if he reads it or other people. My life is a honest open book.
Ok that’t all for tonight. Need to sleep……Goodnite everyone. Goodnite beautiful world! 😴😴