Enigma, Flamboyant, Carefree, Free Spirited, Happy Go Lucky, Bubbly, Positive, Crazy, Non Conformist, Hard to handle, Strong Willed and Unconventional were some of the words people used to describe me. I accepted it all as compliments because they described me to the T. They reminded me of who I’m. Their description and perception of me just confirmed to me that I’m consistently being myself and I don’t give a damn the image I’m projecting to people as long as I’m being ME. I’m happy to know that because I’m in the minority pool of people who can comfortably and consistently be myself. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not and I don’t wear a mask. I’m definitely not a fan :-)! No matter how hard I try, I will never be a fake. Hahaha.
Those are my positive attributes. So what are my negative attributes? Hahaha…….Quick temper, Act First Think Later, Cocky, Stubborn, Untameable, Argumentative, Impossible, Reckless and Fearless! 😛😛
Peter always said I’m a free spirited woman. I never thought of myself as a free spirit until he told me. And I didn’t really know much about a free spirited person until I read up on this topic. Below is one of the article and I feel that I fit the description to a T. A fun article to read 😀.
Frankly, it helps to recall back how people described me because I’m being reminded of who I’m before all the brouhaha happened with him. I was lost for a short while, questioning my own identity and was struggling to enjoy the colourful and fun life I have. I didn’t feel like smiling and laughing much in the aftermath which lasted until end of May.
In the beginning of June, I slowly began to feel that my old self is back. There were still moments when I slipped back into the unhappiness, but it didn’t last long. And finally towards end of June, I got my old self back. The moment I decided to follow and listen to what my heart desires, I regained my old bubbly, happy, crazy self back. That was also the reason why I changed my blog name to this name 😄.
Kyle said to me last week that since the day he met me in university, I always do what I want and speak my mind. I’m spontaneous and crazy. Haha. Gloria said I’m an open book and direct.
When I was in my teens till mid-30s’, I was very insecure and attention seeking. I wanted to please people so that they will like me. I withheld my thoughts because I didn’t want to upset anyone as I was scared they wouldn’t like me. I needed to be in the centre of attention because I thought being in the limelight meant I was likable and loveable. I was craving for approval although I wasn’t lack of confident.
By early 30s’, I was quite successful and also at that time I learned to understand myself and slowly rid myself of insecurity. I became more vocal and direct. I learned to say no without feeling bad. I learned to accept the fact that I will never be drop dead gorgeous and is ok. I learned to accept myself, the total package and I don’t want to change anything about my physical at all (Peter always joked that he would sponsored my breast enlargement. haha. I told him not in a million year I will do that for him or anyone).
I learned that people who are genuine will like me for me and I began to see who were my true friends. Thank god I didn’t lose those friends that I value and cherish. I’m not afraid of being judge or talk about because all of us have our own story and no one has a perfect life. So over the years from mid-30s’, I did self evaluation and slowly got rid of my negative traits. Being in the corporate world helps too because I need to be able to control my temper and think before I act. Only in biz life I will think and plan my strategies. But in personal life, I react immediately 😂. Peter always complained about me being too quick to react. Which he was right. It was especially true that he could evoked my emotions very quickly. I would just reacted to his words and actions instantaneously. But now I don’t think so. I’m in control and he won’t be able to evoke my reactions that quickly.
I love who I have become as I work very hard to become ME. I’m evolving yearly and I try to be a better me for myself. I’m work in progress. I was sad when I realised Peter didn’t understand who I’m, but now I’m not because we are 2 different people. He is cast in stone and I’m not. We are polar opposite of each other. I’m a Leo and he is an Aquarius. Maybe that was why opposite attracts and also why we clashed so uglily. Is ok. I have accepted the fact that he has every right to think of me as he likes. Each person will feel differently about me. I will accept the good, the bad and the ugly 😉.
Ending this post with…..ALWAYS BE YOURSELF. You don’t need people to accept you. You need to accept yourself for who you are and the right people will appreciate and accept you for YOU.