The 1st time I heard the term Obligated Love it was a few months back. What does it means? The friend who used this term told me that it is loving a spouse out of obligation because the spouse has been with you for a long time, has kids with you or whatever the reasons. It isn’t a love from the heart anymore, but a love borne out of commitment, guilt, or obligation. There isn’t anymore passion left in the love, but yet you have to love that person because you feel that you OWE it to the person. When I heard that, I was surprised and stunned. Surprised because I always thought love shouldn’t be an obligation. It should be straightforward and feel with passion. If it isn’t such love, then why should we stay in love?? Stunned because there are people in the world who feel that they are obligated to love their spouse just because of a vow/piece of legal paper/a promise/kids/financial sharing/guilt and etc.
For me, obligated love means PITY LOVE!!! When you truly love someone, it isn’t an obligation. But when a love turns into an obligation, it isn’t a love anymore. It is a job/a duty to love the other person. Love isn’t a job!!!! Love is a feeling that radiates warmth, happiness and given unconditionally and freely. When a love turns into obligation, it isn’t given freely anymore. It doesn’t radiates warmth and happiness. It isn’t unconditional anymore. It is binded by a sense of duty/responsibility/commitment/promise on the part of the person having to love the other person. Such a sad love.
I wouldn’t want my lover/spouse/partner to love me under obligation/promise/commitment. Likewise, I wouldn’t subject my lover/spouse/partner to such type of love. If my lover can’t love me unconditionally and freely, I would want to know. I deserve to know what type of love he has for me. I know love changes when we are together with the same person for a long period of time, but irregardless of how long we are with someone, the love we feel for them should still be warm and happy. If you don’t feel warm and truly happy when you love a person, then you should seriously examine your love for that person.
As a woman, it is imperative for me to know what type of love my lover has for me. I will never accept obligated love because it is pity love. I would let him go if I know his love for me is no longer unconditional, warm and happy. Likewise, I will be brutally honest with my lover if my love for him becomes obligated love.
You can be with your lover/spouse/partner for a decade, sleeping next to you every night, but yet you will never know what he/she is thinking. He/she could still tells you that they love you, but is she/him loving you from the heart or from the mind? Obligated love is also a love from the mind because you are consciously loving a person. Love is a feeling. It can’t be measured. It can’t be termed into obligation/promise/commitment.
If you can term your love for your lover/spouse/partner, then it isn’t love in the truest form. If I can’t experience love in its truest form, I don’t want it. I want to wake up every morning and see the smile on my lover face when he opens his eyes and look across to me. I want him to kiss me lovingly and longingly before we go to sleep. I want his love for me to grow each day and not diminish irregardless how long we have been together.
Love is never an obligation. Don’t love someone because of a promise you made to her/him. Don’t love because you don’t want to be a bad guy/gal in breaking off with him/her. Don’t love because you think it is better to have obligated love than nothing at all.
Set the person free to find his/her true love again. Everyone deserves to experience unconditional, happy and warm love irregardless of his/her age, single/attached/married/divorced/separated/widowed.
Always remember, your partner deserves to know what type of love you have for her/him. Although the truth will cause him/her immeasurable pain, but it will set both of you free and conscious to choose to stay with each other or to move on. I know it is easier to say than done. But everyone of us deserve to experience love to its truest form.
I wish all my readers best of luck in love 🙂