I thought it will take me longer to move on and I will still feel sad and hurt……but the truth is not anymore. I tried to think of him to see what are the lingering feeling I still have for him – not a particular feeling stands out. Just normal.
I have stopped thinking why he behaved the way he did with me. I have stopped trying to find the answer. I have stopped reflecting back on the good old days and the man I fell in love with. I just stopped thinking and feeling for him. In fact, I have developed aversion to his name. I have clients who have the same name as him and when I heard it, the negative images of him just flashed into my brain. So does this means I’m still mad at him?? Hmm…..maybe. But I don’t think so. I think I just need a bit more time to get rid of the negative feelings he gave me and hearing his name being mentioned right now just conjured up unpleasant memories which I’m trying to forget. I think it is more like a residual feeling which I strongly believe will evaporate soon.
Anyway, I’m healing faster than I thought. As for my love feeling for him, I think it will be over soon too. I can’t continue to love a man who doesn’t feels sorry and remorseful for hurting me with his words and actions. I don’t need to put up with his crappy and shitty behaviour. If some other people want to put with him, let them do it. Not me. I forgave him too many times until I lost count of it. Maybe because of my kindness and generosity, he took advantage of me and took me for granted. Hahaha. Anyway, is ok. The chapters are closed. Maybe 1 day we will cross path again, but at this moment I want him to stay out of my life. He has too much dramas and negative vibes in his life now. He sucks my positive vibes and left me feeling angry, upset and stress. I don’t need that! Beside someone will be very happy I’m not in his life anymore. Oh well….whatever!
I won’t set out to hurt him intentionally by posting untrue facts about him, but I won’t stop myself from expressing my feeling. All these posts about him were written based on the feelings he gave me. Neither right or wrong. I know my posts are read by people around the world, probably including him as I know he wants to make sure I don’t write anything detrimental about him. Hahaha!
I know what I wrote could be used against me, is ok. I have nothing to hide. I will always be true to myself and not living a double life where the private and public me are not align. Is not who I am!!
I will always be myself irregardless. My life, my choice, my decision!! Say what you mean and mean what you say!!
Always BE YOURSELF!! Too many fake people out there who have no guts to be their true self!! And I definitely won’t be 1 of those fake people!! Always remember to BE YOURSELF!!