Marriage is a union between two people who are supposedly to be madly in love and want to spend the rest of their life with each other and build a family. That’s how most people think and view marriage. But not my views.
Before I share my views and thoughts, I would like to share some of the answers I got from my friends, both sexes, when I posted the above question to them.
The men view was different from the women view, but they did shared one same view – “Marriage is overrated!!”
My male friends advised me not to get married unless I want to have kids of my own. Otherwise, just have a long-term companion without the official paper to bind me. For my guys friend, they married because they wanted to have kids, hence, they need to provide a good environment for their kids to grow up – a loving and happy family. So to a guy, marriage = children!! Oh another reason men get married is because of an obligation/a promised made to their gf to marry them. The man might still love the woman, but he isn’t in love with her anymore. But because they have been together for so many years, the man feels obligated to marry her or else he will be deemed the bad guy. So sad……and even sadder if the man is in love with another woman, but still decide to marry the gf. Should a man still continues with the marriage in the above scenario just because of a promised he made few years ago??
My female friends also advised me not to get married because it isn’t a fairytale ending. They told me not to get myself stuck in a situation. They told me if they can turn back the clock, they wouldn’t have gotten married. They don’t mind having children, but minus the husband. Some of the women feel trap in their marriage because their love for the husband has changed, but are forced to stay in the marriage for various reasons. Some of them hope that their husband can let them go by dissolving the marriage. Some women gets into marriage because of security/safety net (financial).
Ok, now my views and thoughts on marriage:
For me, marriage is a piece of legal paper where two people signed on it and announced to the whole world that now he/she belongs to each other and no one else can claim him/her anymore!! A piece of paper that creates a miserable life for either party who wants to call it quit if the above scenarios should happen. A piece of paper that serves no purpose in a marriage except to make the marriage legal. This piece of paper does not guarantee that love, trust and happiness will exist and continue to exist after being legally married so why then do I need this piece of paper???
If I need a piece of paper to keep the man I love in my life, I don’t want it. Why?? Because I’m not so naive to think that even after legally married, he won’t file for divorce one day when he isn’t in love with me anymore or vice versa. If it is true and long lasting love, the legal paper isn’t necessary at all. Some women will argue that it is for protection so that if anything happens to the man in their life, the wife will be the legitimate beneficial of his assets (if any). Valid point. But then, we are living in 21st century. If my man really loves me and takes my interests to heart, he will have arranged everything for me to make sure that I will be fully taken care of one day he isn’t around anymore.
He doesn’t needs a piece of marriage paper to remind him to do that. He doesn’t needs the judge to tell him to pay alimony to me. He will make sure that I’m taken care of when he isn’t around anymore if he truly loves me irregardless if we are officially married or not.
So to me, marriage is overrated and it doesn’t guarantee love, trust and happiness. For me, I don’t want kids of my own so marriage is not required. I will be happy to be a stepmom to my man’s children or we could always adopt. All I want is to be with someone who isn’t afraid to love me wholeheartedly and will treat me as his wife even if I’m not legally married to him.
To me, a real marriage happens when two different minds, two different hearts, two different souls and two different people are merged into 1 without a piece of legally signed paper!! They took the leap of faith that their love is strong enough to keep them together and they will continue to be in love with each other even though they are not legally bind to love, to cherish and to treasure each other. Hence, marriage isn’t in my to do bucket lists because I want to take the leap of faith with the right man without a piece of legally signed paper.
I know I’m too idealistic and majority of the women don’t agree with my views and is ok because what I want for my life is for me and not everyone. I just have to meet a man who shares the same believe as me. Tall order, but never say never.
Beside, marriage is messy (big wedding ceremony, planning and etc) and divorce is even messier (splitting of assets, disagreements, kids visitation and etc)!!!
Just imagining both scenarios in my mind are enough to scare me away from getting married…..LOL!! Beside, there is nothing I hear about married life that I envy.
Anyway, good luck to those brave souls who jump into the marriage wagon.