Last weekend there were 2 shootings in Florida. One was a young singer, 22 years old and the other was a shooting at a gay club. Around 50 people were killed and more were wounded. Crazy!! What has the world become? Seriously, all these mindless shooting reminded me again and again that life is unpredictable and it can be taken from us in a blink of an eye without notice. Hence we should appreciate every moment we are alive. We should celebrate and live every minute like it is our last. Seriously, we will never know when we will breath our last breath so live the life you want and stop wasting time idling and not chasing your dreams!
There are a lot of issues going on in my life right now, mostly financial related, therefore it is a bit hard for me to focus and not be affected by those issues, but I’m doing my utmost best to do so. I don’t want my life to have any regrets hence seeing the beauty in everything is the best way for me to live my life. I’m not scare of death as long as it is a quick death. I don’t want to suffer and burden my love ones to take care of me.
Since I had experienced a very scary accident I know that my life can be gone without notice. I will never be able to predict when, where and how I’m going to die. Keeping this in mind, I promise myself I will do my best to live everyday as it is my last day. Not easy to do, but I’m going to try to do it. I want a meaningful and colourful life. I don’t want to lose people I value and cherish although I know it is unavoidable as people come and go in our life. No matter how hard I try to keep those people in my life, I can never force them to stay. People change, feelings change, and all I can do is accept the fact and continue to live my life at my own terms.
Because life is so unpredictable, we can never truly follow the path that we plan for ourself as a lot of things can and will happen to throw us off guard and deviate from our original path. Hence we need to learn to be flexible and adapt to changes. It had been a struggle for me during the past 2 months after my friendship ended with Peter. I lost sight of the core me. I was actually very sad and I could sense that I wasn’t as happy and cheerful as before. I felt like my free spirited nature, which was the main thing that attracted him to me was gone. I was cracking my head seeking answers from him and hoping against all hope that he would genuinely apologise to me for his accusation and come clean to me once and for all by answering all my questions. I was never told the real truth and given a clear picture by him. I was fed bit and pieces and I had to piece all those piecemeal info together by myself and took a wild guess of the answers.
My mind was having trouble to comprehend what had happened between Peter & I and how could our friendship deteriorated so quickly. It was a 1 week downward spiralled. It just surprised me that all the understanding we built over the course of the past 2 years went down the drain over the accusation. It made me wondered did we truly understand and trusted each other or not.
If I be honest I wish we have a chance to thrash everything out. It never crossed my mind that our friendship foundation was so weak and wobbly. Our friendship became the victim of the internet harassment. Now that I’m back to my normal self, almost 100% but to yet, I miss having him as a friend. But I know there is no chance for us to resume this friendship as he is never as forgiving as me. He will uses my past against me!! But then again, I will never know for sure since life is unpredictable anything can happens. So for now I’m just going to accept the fact that we are out of each other life for good and we will never cross path again. Fact and reality.
I will never be able to forget him as he was the man that I truly loved and cared for as a friend and lover. It will never be easy to erase him from my mind even if I can successfully erase him from my heart. Sad truth. Anyway, live life to the fullest and make sure that there is no regret.