I was planning to write a long post about our story, but after giving some thought I decided not to waste my time anymore on a jerk. I just want to admit to myself that I had been blinded by my love for him to overlook all his flaws, forgave him time after time and find excuses for his shitty and shady behaviour towards me. Even until he admitted he lied to me for 2 years, I still chose to stand by him and gave him 1 last chance.
Anyway, I figured I wasn’t the 1st person he accused of something hideous. He accused his own W of cheating on him, not once, not twice but many times repetitively to me in writing and in person. Even after we were together, his 1st statement was, “she cheated on me and now I did the same”. That should be a red flag to me, but I was already crazy about him and I believed that she actually cheated on him. He even said it to me face to face when we were in HK, “if she isn’t the mother of my son, she wouldn’t get away with all this shit”. He looked me in the eyes when he made that statement to me. And that was end of March 2015. At that time, I believed every single words he told me as it never crossed my mind that he would came up with such an elaborate and insulting accusation towards his own W. When he confessed he lied to me in end of February this year, I was shocked and surprised beyond belief. I asked him why he lied to me for 2 years when I gave him so many chances to come clean with me. The worst part was when I called him out on his BS and lying in the past, he was so good at using my fear of him leaving my life to make me shut up or guilty for asking him to be honest with me.
He had so many versions of his story until now I still don’t know which is the truth and which isn’t. Did his W cheated on him or she didn’t? Does it matter? No as it is not my issue if she cheated on him or not. I don’t judge. My point is, I shouldn’t be in shocked that he could hurled accusation at me because he did that to the person who sleeps next to him every night, just so he could cheat without feeling guilty.
I was stupid and naive to think that I would be different. But at least I’m not legally attached to him or have a son with him because then I would be stuck with him. What type of man would accused the W of cheating on him so that he could had a good reason to cheat without feeling guilty? And how could any woman tolerate and forgive a man who accused without proof?? Accusation is the worst kind of betrayal. Coupled with cheating and lying…..wow triple whammy! Anyway, nothing to do with me. I guess some women prefer to suffer in silent rather than be alone and label a failure.
Also, he told me it was his 1st time cheating and it got him into this shit (internet harassment). I believed him at that time, but now I’m not so sure. Really?? Why would someone harass them if it was his 1st time cheating? I’m partly guilty because I shouldn’t indulge in my desire to be with him even though I loved him. I should asked him to show me the proof that he has divorced her, like he hinted he wanted to. Again, he expressed it in writing as well as verbally to me more than 5 times. I never asked him to do so. But of course the story changed at a later stage. 1 of his excuse was his son was still young, 7-8 years old so he didn’t want the son to grow up in a broken family. Again like I said, I never asked him to do anything except be brutally honest and open with me. I can handle the truth. Just don’t lie to me and he swore he didn’t lie to me at all. So imagine my shocked and surprised when he confessed to me he lied for the past 2 years about his W cheating on him!!
Anyway, I was blinded by love and I thought he loved and cared for me too hence I was willing to ignore all the red flags as long as I could keep him in my life. But not anymore. I’m beginning to feel that deleting him form my life is probably the best thing. Do I regret the past 2 years? No I don’t. It was a lesson that I had to learn. Recently I told a few of my friends what happened about me and him and they told me I was stupid for believing and getting involved with him. My friends who know me really well couldn’t understand why I was so crazily in love with him. They couldn’t understand why I gave him so many chances to hurt me. I’m successful in my own ways, but yet I fell for a man I had liked for 10 years to only find out he is a class A jerk. I admit I’m a fool when it comes to him and he knows that too. Oh well…..that’s the past! I wouldn’t be anymore in the future.
This experienced with him has changed me in a way that I wouldn’t put up with shits no matter how much I love a man. It isn’t worth it at the end of the day. A shitty man will always be shitty……..is in his nature! I’m done and over with. I knew about his childhood stories and that were part of the reasons I was drawn to him. Anyway……is over. A jerk will never be a gentleman! Beside he is 50 years old, a dutch and lives in SG for over 10 years, he is too jaded to even change. A 50 years old class A jerk!!
I thought to myself, if he could lied to her I shouldn’t be surprised that he lied to me. If he could disrespect her, I shouldn’t be shocked that he didn’t respect me. Beside he is also disrespecting himself. I can guess what he is going to say about me…..he is going to say I’m crazy and I made everything up. It doesn’t matter what he is going say or think. What matter is I know I’m telling the truth and not hiding fact. What matter is all my friends know who I am and that I’m telling the truth.
This post is the final nail in the coffin with his chapter in my life. It will never be revisited and his existence is irrelevant to me anymore. I will not mention him again in my future posts. This is the end of his story in my life. If he wants to tarnish my image that’s nothing I can do. Is always my words against his. I’m risking my reputation just to set myself free by telling the facts truthfully. For me, I can sleep peacefully every night as I’m not running away from my actions and decisions. The truth have set me free. The world knows who I am, but the world doesn’t knows who is he as I didn’t disclosed his identity. So I gain nothing from this post except my freedom. And I think it is also time I come clean for my own sake. I don’t want to worry about being exposed by a 3rd party with any lies and twists to the truth or fabrication of proofs. I put myself in this shit storm, I need to get myself out of it.
I need to thank him for his accusation because he allowed me to see him clearly! Without it I might have still think of him as a great friend and a person I would still want to have in my life. For me, I cherish and value people whom are my friends. I thought he was a genuine and caring person, but he showed me otherwise. I was the 3rd party, but I didn’t deserve to be treated the way he did and accused me of devious act that I didn’t do. I couldn’t accept that and it made me questioned everything including our friendship. What a fuck up friendship we had and what a fuck up person he is! Anyway……enough said.
p.s. I salute her for having a bigger heart than me. I can never forgive the man I love for accusing me of something I didn’t do. In her case, a cheating accusation is a grave and cruel accusation. In my case, he accused me of posting my stolen emails and messages anonymously!! Whatever! If I want to post, I will do it publicly and openly as me, like what I’m doing now. I will take full responsibility for my actions and decisions. I’m done with this man. It broke my heart to write this post because it means I have stop respecting him but I have to do it for my own sanity and also for me to fully let go and move on.