Nagging thought….

is back. I’m feeling conflicted too because I know I need to apologise to him, but my ego doesn’t allows me to do so simply because I will feel stupid after I have apologised hence I still haven’t do so yet. I have been asking myself trying to find the answer as to what I hope to achieve by apologising to him??? What do I really hope/want to achieve by apologising??? Will I feel better if I apologise to him?? To be honest, I don’t know. I haven’t thought of him until a week ago when the nagging thought of saying sorry to him is getting stronger and stronger. In fact, yesterday morning I dreamt of him which rarely happened. The last time I had such a strong nagging thought to reach out was 2 years ago and how I felt bad then was almost the same as what I’m feeling now. I keep telling myself I’m overthinking and the nagging thought will pass. But it hasn’t!!

I don’t know why this is happening again when I have already moved on?? Maybe it is my mind that is playing trick on me. I really hope that’s the main reason and no other reason. I need more time to think this through carefully because I want to be sure of the reason I want to apologise. I want to be sure that my apology doesn’t has any other intention except the fact that I want to apologise for my childish and hurtful actions.

It isn’t easy to sort out my thoughts pertaining to this matter and the truth is I don’t want to spend too much time dwelling on this subject. I prefer to let my thoughts sort itself out until I get full clarity of my intention. I’m not against saying sorry to him, but I need to make sure I’m seriously ready to do so. If I’m not ready, then I shouldn’t do it yet. The thought is nagging at me, but it isn’t affecting me emotionally. I just need time to understand the reason behind my apology to him before I do it.

That’s all I have to say for now. And if I do decide to say sorry, I will do it properly and I won’t share it on my blog because then the sorry isn’t genuine and sincere. I don’t expect him to forget and forgive me because I know he won’t. If I do apologise it is purely because I want to take responsibility for my actions and words. Shaming, tarnishing and bashing him were wrong on my part even though it did made me felt better at that time. But over time as I calmed down and think through my actions and words, it were really harsh and hateful. Hence I feel there is a need to say sorry to him when I’m fully ready. Anyway, I will let events unfold itself and not force it to happen. Mentally I’m not ready to apologise yet as my ego still doesn’t allows me to do it 🀨. So will have to wait till I’m ready.

 

 

 

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Grand Opening Arena KL

Last night was the grand opening of Arena KL @ Menara Amplewest. It was a great evening made better with the present of my dad and the whole family. My brother invited our dad to the grand opening and I was very happy he did that because for a few years they weren’t on speaking terms. But now at least my brother is willing to talk to our dad again although not often, but still a good progress. Our dad is turning 66 years old this year and although he is still very healthy (he exercised daily), but he isn’t getting younger hence I want my brother to spend more time with our dad if possible. I want us to be an intact family again and I’m happy that it is slowly happening πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„.

I met up with a few friends for dinner and drinks around 7.30pm before I went in to join the party around 9ish pm. The place was already crowded. I saw another friend of mine already arrived and was chatting with a few friends near the bar so I went up to say hi to him. He was a client turned a friend. We don’t hangout often but when we do it was always fun. He always treats me like 1 of the guy. Haha. He calls me “Dude”. Lol!

He is married with a young son, but still on the prowl looking for flings. The wife is very pretty and has a nice physique, but my friend is still looking for flings. I have no comments as cheating is a norm in today’s world. I know too many people (both sexes) who are cheaters and it doesn’t bothers me because it is their choice and their life hence I have no say in their choices and I’m not a judge so I will not pass my judgment on them.

My dad partnered my brother to play beer pong against my friends and my dad and brother team won. Haha. It was my dad 1st time playing beer pong, but he managed to get the balls into the cups a few times. Lol. It was really a happy moment.

Overall was a great night. It was very crowded even when we left at 2am. I didn’t take much photos because it was just pointless with so many people in the background. I tried to take selfie, but the photos weren’t good as the lighting wasn’t good plus I’m still using iPhone 6 so the quality of the photos not sharp at all. Anyway, is ok. The reason I wanted to take photos was to see myself in make-up look. Haha.

The professional photographer did took some photos of me with family and friends so will wait for those. Oh well, it was a fun and happy night.

Now I’m resting at home. Happy Weekend everyone!

 

Panic attack during indoor rock climbing

My coach is flying back to Colombia tomorrow for 1 month so this week was the last week I get to train with her until she comes back from Colombia. Hence I decided to practice 2 days in a row especially when I didn’t practice last week. So I had a 2 hours session with her yesterday and another session today.

Yesterday, I was struggling to complete the routes. Seriously struggling!! I felt scared (again) when I was climbing and started to panic and lost focus which made it even worst for me because I didn’t know how to climb. My limbs felt achy and sourish. I was literally frozen in the same spot for about 10mins. It was just terrible as I never experienced such a feeling in my past climbed. And to make matter worst, I didn’t use the correct technique when I lowered myself down. I was scared of falling, but I was even more scared of hurting my coach if I did fall. It was bad. Really bad!!

And today wasn’t any better. 1st climbed on auto belay wall was horrendous. It was an easy wall and I had climbed before, but today my climbed was the worst. I had a very bad panic attacked and was sweating profusely. I just couldn’t figure out where to place my legs and hands properly to move myself up. The fear paralysed me and this is the 1st time it happened to me. Now I understand how it felt to experience panic attack. I don’t know why I feel fearful and unsure when I was climbing.

I need to concur the fear, but in order to do that I need to figure out why I’m feeling this way and the cause of my fear. And I’m still trying to figure out the reason. Practicing this sport exposes a fair bit of my weaknesses – both physically and mentally. I never experience height phobia, but it is a different thing when I was hanging up there and the only thing that kept me safe was the rope and my coach. And I could hurt myself if I am not careful. So the fear turned into a panic attack. The only saving grace was I completed the climb albeit clumsily. But my 2nd climbed, which was 1 of the project (climbing the same colour), was good. I managed to complete 90% in 1 attempt compared to yesterday I was struggling to complete.

Oh well, I really think I need to go and practice more. I will try to make it a point to do so starting next week especially when my coach is away for 1 month so I better don’t slack or else when she is back my progress might be back to zero. Not going to allow that to happen!!

p.s. I also need to practice more so that my movements can be more dynamic and flexible. Now very static and stiff. So really have to make an effort to go and practice solo.

 

Recent photos

Photos taken 2 weeks ago at a girl friend’s recent birthday party at Arena KL, Menara Amplewest. She was late because all her friends were late so I got nothing to do hence I used their hired photographer to help me to take pictures. He took a fair bit of my pictures, but only those below are acceptable. He isn’t a good photographer as he doesn’t knows how to take interesting photos. Anyway, it was just for fun and since I didn’t have to pay him I wouldn’t complain too much. I still prefer my photographer who did my photoshoots for me. I think he is still the best.

I plan to do another photoshoot this year so will get in touch with him soon. I want to try another outdoor shoot to find out how different it will be compared to the photoshoot I did in Lindos (Rhodes Island), Greece last year. I want to find out how good is my photographer taking lifestyle photoshoot.

Have to start thinking where I want to do the photoshoot as KL doesn’t has many nice outdoor places where I would like to have my photos taken. Sigh…..Anyway, still have time. Should be able to find a location that I like.

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2nd week of Jan 2018…..

was a mixed week for me. First I got the bad news about a deal I was working on had to be terminated because the Developer decided not to acquire the land. Sigh. In a span of 4 months, I lost the same deal 2x working with 2 different Developer and the commission of RM8mil. Fuck fuck fuck!! Seriously not much luck working on this deal. I thought 2nd time lucky, but NOPE!

Was I upset and pissed off? To be honest, I wasn’t. I was calm and focus in finding alternative option. I know for a fact that getting upset wouldn’t help because there wasn’t much I could do to salvage the deal especially when the Developer decided not to buy the land. So no point to kick up a fuss and be angry over spilled milk. Hence I decided to look for other potential options and happy to share that there might be a possibility I will be able to put together the deal with another Developer. Very preliminary now, but at least there is a chance. In my line of work, plenty of unpredictability so just have to stay calm and focus to solve any issues arise.

On the other hand, I met a Tan Sri for another mega project I’m going to start working on soon once the exclusive appointment is signed. I passed his interviewed so I’m good to go with the project. In fact, Tan Sri even mentioned that he wants me and my company to work long-term with them. A good proposition, but I’m not very keen as I want to go back Β for my MBA in 3 years time. When I told Tan Sri that, he mentioned he will arrange a Doctorate for me. I told him I don’t want an arranged Doctorate. I want to go back to school to study and learn. Feel honoured that Tan Sri offered to arrange a Doctorate for me, but I like to study for it myself.

Anyway, the project I’m working on is really interesting and the concept is my brainchild. It is a lifetime opportunity to be able to participate in this project as I can create my own legacy and build my reputation further. I was told by a business partner that my current reputation is really good and impressive. He said the mentor who recommended me to him told him that I’m the “secret weapon” to Developers who had worked with me and hence they are reluctant to share me. Hahahaha. I was really shocked and surprised by the latest comment I heard about myself because I never know that I’m highly regarded in the industry. Wow 🀩🀩🀩!

With the compliments from Tan Sri and this new business partner, it made my week better. After all, a solid reputation will always bring me more business opportunities. Just a matter of timing only. Anyway, I will always find ways to increase my opportunity and I’m sure I will reach my financial goal soon. Very soon. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

So overall, the week wasn’t too bad.

LinkedIn

My recent post that I posted on LinkedIn on Tuesday has surpassed 10,000 post views for the 1st time. Crazy!! Never expected it. There were over 100 likes and 20+ congratulatory messages. And there were also a fair bit of new requests to connect. Some I accepted, some I declined if I don’t think there is a potential opportunity in the future.

LinkedIn is definitely a good business platform to connect and reach out to more professional people in a quicker manner. It is also effective because it saves time and money vs the traditional method of cold calling or door to door sales. For me, LinkedIn has opened a new door for me to generate new business opportunities and also expand my network. Most of the time the people I reached out to on LinkedIn were polite, professional and responsive, but there were also some who were just lack of professional courtesy to reply. Nevertheless, it is still a useful and good business platform.

Another feature on LinkedIn I like very much is the advertising platform. It is a good channel for business advertisement because the target audience is more quality compare to other social media platforms. Moving forward, LinkedIn will be the business platform I will use the most until another better business platform surface and able to challenge LinkedIn.

 

First week of 2018

First week of 2018 had been good to me so far. I have a strong feeling that 2018 will definitely be a great year for me and so are the years to follow. Most important thing for me is the fact that I’m truly at peace with myself now. I laughed a lot more. Haha. My hearty and warmth laughter is back for sure. 2 nights ago (saturday), a friend said to me that when he heard me laughed, he felt happy. LOL! And another friend said that she just have to follow my laughter to locate me. She said she can hears it from afar even before seeing me. Hahaha.

The best part is I’m very focus to achieve my goals in 3 years so that I can go back to university for my MBA, involve in charity and travels the world. These are the 3 goals I want to achieve by 2021 and I’ll definitely achieve it this time around. Is time to focus back on my goals and myself rather than chasing love and people. Chasing money and success are more satisfying and gratifying because the long-term benefits are immeasurable. Having money = having freedom. Having success = building a legacy and reaping financial rewards.

I want to continue to experience life and doing what I want and love without having to worry about money. It feels really really great to restart again in 2018. Is true that time heals. I’m not going to look back at the past anymore. I’m just going to focus on being the best version of myself in all aspects of my life.

I’m going to take up more sports and do more exercises to get my body tone up and physically fit. I want to continue to challenge my physical strength and stamina as well as overcoming more mental barriers. I know I can do it. I have confident in myself.

In summary, 1st week of 2018 had been a good week. Looking forward to more good news in the entire 2018. Wish me luck πŸ™πŸ»πŸ™πŸ»πŸ™πŸ»πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜

p.s. When I got rid of negative vibes and energy, positive vibes and energy start to flow towards me. I can feel it in me. Of course life isn’t always smooth sailing, but I just need to stay calm and not overreact when shits hit the fan. Be totally zen in every situation and in everything because things will eventually turns out ok. Control my thoughts and I will control the situations. Works for me so far. Hehe.